Page 45 of Erik

A chorus of whoopees and hoorays, accompanied by thunderous clapping, burst around the office through hidden loudspeakers. I bow and gesture for Hadley to join me. We hold hands when he stands beside me. We bow again and I raise our hands in the air when we straighten back up.

With a hand on my chest, I let out a short, intense sigh. “Thank you. See you all soon. In the meantime, remember I’m just a click away.”

Hadley presses the ‘leave this meeting’ button and I collapse on the chair visitors use when they come to my office. I don’t have the energy to skirt the desk to my own. This hard leather one will do. The joy of my interaction with the team dies away faster than it takes for the raindrops to run down my window right now. Weather in Mid-February is a downer in and of itself. Gazing out toward the bay, I can barely make the Victorian houses. Golden Gate Bridge isn’t even a suggestion under the low, gray clouds.

“What a performance,” Hadley mutters, breaking my reverie.

I tilt my head to the left and glance up into his frown as he looms. “What?”

“Anyone on that call thought you were the life of the party, the belle of the ball. When, in fact, you’ve been more sour than fresh lime lately.”

I shrug. “No point arguing the truth.”

He plops himself on the vacant chair beside me. “Speaking of parties and balls, why you're still here peering through fogged windows? You should be getting ready for the fundraiser. I thought you’d even cut the conference shorter, woman. It’s almost six o’clock.”

“I haven't shopped for a costume.”

“Nonsense. If you’ve donned the same freaking outfit on multiple Halloween parties, why not tonight? That one would work great in this horrible weather. It’ll warm you up with those hundreds of yards of lace and silk.” With an exaggerated eye-roll, he tries to make me laugh. “Women in the late eighteen-hundreds had a hard time dressing up for their weddings.”

My stomach churns at the idea. I pat his forearm. “Appreciate the thought, but I’m not going. I don’t want to.”

“You can't bail out on Maria and the kids. You’re chairman of the orphanage's board.”

I take a deep breath in. The long exhale doesn’t decrease the pressure inside my chest. I mutter through gritted teeth, “It’s the world’s premiere of the fucking biopic. Remember? The band will be there.” I pause, waiting for my heart to dislodge from my throat. It doesn’t.

He narrows his eyes, leaning to an inch of my nose. “Oh, so, will you finally admit you’ve made a mistake? That you aren’t over the guy? That you should’ve stayed and worked things out?”

I rub my palms over my face. “That’s not the point. I could’ve tried and with Dr. Perlman’s help I’m positive I’d have succeeded.”

He snaps his fingers in front of his eyes, shaking his head. “Wait, what?” He covers my hands with his. “Sweetie, I love you, but you make no sense.”

I scan his face while I search for words to explain. “I chose to walk away that day because Erik deserves a family for his son. Liam deservers to have his mom with him. I grew up without parents, I can relate.” I offer him a weak smile. “Besides, I’ve never wanted kids or a family.”

He draws his head back, grimacing. “That’s the tallest, stinkiest pile of bullshit you’ve ever thrown at me. You’re afraid of commitment, that’s what it is. If you wanted Erik and Liam to have a family, you’d have stayed and married the guy.”

The sting in my heart steals my breath away. I would’ve done anything to do exactly that. Hadley knows me well. I hold his stare, without replying.

He winks. “You’re too stubborn to admit I’m right. Let’s say I buy your story. At least, you’ve got to agree with me your choice sucks because your life hasn’t improved an iota. You’ve been miserable for the last six months. One more reason to go to the fundraiser and get your man back.”

Butterflies take flight in my stomach, but I squish them with a quick reality check. “Want to know why I’m miserable? Here,” I huff, sliding a finger on the screen of my cell phone to unlock it. “Sir, allow me to introduce you to a fairly new invention kids have been raving about calledThe Internet.”

He scoffs. “Very funny.”

I type the wordsMuse of Darknessin the search bar. He hisses when the top results pop up on the screen. Tons of social media posts with pictures of Erik and Carlotta hitting the town in every damn city on the band’s tour.

I tap my nail on the screen, the red polish highlights the word that’s been haunting me. “Here. Read this. That’s why I don’t want to go.”

Hadley’s eyes lose focus for a beat. “They’re engaged? That explains your moping around lately.” He shakes his head as if to snap out of the funk and points at the phone I’ve returned to the desk. “I’ve got to tell you, though. In those pictures, Erik looks more miserable than you.”

I press a fist to my chest to calm my thudding heart.No hope allowed, you silly thing.

I inform Hadley, “I’ll just go home, grab a pint of ice cream, and plop in front of the TV.”

“No way I’m letting you do that. The orphanage needs the funds we can raise tonight, like real bad. You know it better than me. I get it, you’d rather not meet Erik. Now that the band has gotten involved with this charity, he’ll be around often, and your paths will cross, eventually. In all likelihood, you’ll be alone when that happens. Tonight, you’ll have me by your side to guard you.”

Laughing at the way he wiggles his eyebrows, I frame his face, and smooch his forehead. “You’re the best brother from another mother a girl could ask for.”

At eight o’clock, our limousine pulls over in front of the movie theater hosting the fundraiser. Hadley gets out first, turning to offer me his hand. I remain rooted to the floor of the stretched car, gazing at his fingers.

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