Page 43 of Forever is Now

Mia had these really long arms in my dream though, and I realized at one point that I was suddenly holding a baby—the baby—but she wouldn’t let go. No matter how far I ran, she would still be holding onto the baby. Her arms would just elongate, stretch. A bit like thatDoctor Whoepisode with David Tennant and Catherine Tate. You know the one, right?

Well, anyway, after that I just kind of woke up in a bit of a state. And I just had this voice in my head saying that I had to take the baby. Like, that dream just really cemented it for me, and I’m not sure why, when I guess the dream was kind of saying that Mia would never let one of her kids go. But at the time, in the back of Ashley’s Polo, where the heating was on too high, and I was stretched out on his back seats but had really bad cramp in my right leg, I just felt like I’d be restoring things to their natural order, if I took her baby. Making things right again.

Of course, Ididn’tdo that. I mean, for one, Mia was still pregnant with her third child. I don’t know how far along she actually was but to me, she looked like she must have been due any day. But even if she wasn’t pregnant, I’d never have actually done anything about this. I’m just being upfront about this all because everyone found out about my crazy nightmares and thoughts later. But I did not do anything to harm Mia or any of the children. I just want to make that clear now. It was only a thought—just for a moment. I wasn’t ever going to act on it.

But I did go up to Bristol.

Dante Fiore: And now we’ve got Ashley Kincade coming into the studio. Hello, mate. You’re right on time. And just to confirm, Summer is still here.

Summer Taylor-Braddon: Yes, hello. [She pauses] I don’t know why I felt the need to say that. I’ve just been talking for, like, ages.

Dante Fiore: Adelaide James is also still here, too, though she’s purely a listener for this part.

So, Summer and Ash, go ahead, you guys. Whenever you’re ready.

[Silence for five seconds]

Summer Taylor-Braddon: Well, we’d better get started.

Ashley Kincade: It was almost dark when we arrived in Bristol. Ruari’s address was only about twenty minutes from the train station. Temple Meads, that is.

Summer Taylor-Braddon: And I was awake by then. Properly awake. And though I’d had those thoughts, those dreams, I knew I wasn’t actually going to do anything. In fact, I didn’t really know what I was doing up there.

Ashley Kincade: You said to me that we should go back.

Summer Taylor-Braddon: And you said that we could if that’s what I really wanted but that it seemed a shame when we’d just driven through the worst traffic ever to get there.

We didn’t go back though. We just got to the address—or rather, the road. Their house was at the end of a cul-de-sac, but there was nowhere to park down there, so we’d turned around.

Ashley Kincade: There were cars everywhere, parked. And I ended up driving back, quite a way, before we realized that I’d just have to drop you off.

Summer Taylor-Braddon: So, you dropped me off.

Ashley Kincade: Well, actually, I really cocked things up first, didn’t I?

[Silence for three seconds]

Summer Taylor-Braddon: I wouldn’t use that phrase, but, well...

Ashley Kincade: God, I can’t even believe I did that. Like, still. But yeah. Just before Summer got out the car, well... I made a pass at you, didn’t I?

Summer Taylor-Braddon: You... you decided that then was the best time to tell me you’d been in love with me all this time.

Ashley Kincade: [He laughs] I am still just so embarrassed by it all. But yeah, I’d been so nervous the whole way up to Bristol. And I was just thinking that you and him were going to get back together. That you’d... just fall in love again, and I’d have to watch you two be together all over again.

But I thought if I told you first, then it might change things. Change the pattern in the cosmos or whatever it is. That maybe you’d realize that Ruari could be with Mia and then you’d be with me. That there’d be a person for everyone.

Summer Taylor-Braddon: I can’t remember what I said.

Ashley Kincade: You said, “Uh, okay.” And then you got out the car, and you walked away.

Like, I’m still really sorry about that.

Summer Taylor-Braddon: It’s okay. So, yeah, you were going off to find somewhere to park, and then you were going to meet me at Ruari and Mia’s house. It was really cold too. It wasn’t snowing, but there had been snow. It had sort of turned to this gray slush at the sides of the pavement, but everywhere felt really slippery. I had to walk really carefully. And... well, as I walked, I realized someone was following me.

A woman. She was pretty small. Petite build. Immediately, I was just so annoyed. And so fed up. I wanted to scream at her. I assumed she was a reporter. A journalist. That she was going to hurl abuse at me.

But she didn’t. She didn’t say anything, until I was a few hundred yards from the address I had for Ruari and Mia.

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