Page 24 of Forever is Now

Summer Taylor-Braddon: You can roll your eyes all you like at me. I’m not lying. I saw him—even though he wasn’t there. And I’m not crazy, either. Well, maybe I was. Or I am. I don’t know. But I took it as a sign. Another sign that everything was well, wherever he was, as well as it could possibly be. That I was doing the right thing by writing our story. And you know, when I eventually finished it, my agent loved this new book. She said it was different to my thrillers—of course it was—but she thought it would sell. I learned later it was more that she thoughtanythingwritten under my name would sell. It didn’t matter what it was.

But I didn’t realize that at the time. I was so swept up in writingThe Saga of Me and Him,the what could have beens. It was a whirlwind. The manuscript got longer and longer. Next I knew, my agent was taking it to auction.

It sold for seven figures.

Adelaide James: Seriously, drop the act, Ms. Taylor-Braddon. You knew it would sell. That’s why you wrote it!

Summer Taylor-Braddon: I had more money after that, yes. Mum and I were able to get some security in. We felt a bit more protected.

Adelaide James: [She laughs] So, tell us the next part in your masterplan?

Summer Taylor-Braddon: The years passed, and I kept writing. I couldn’t not. I had to write the three thrillers I’d been contracted for as well—I mean, these are the ones I signed the deal for in January 2017, beforeSwept Awayreleased. The books were delayed in the end, with everything going on, but I did write them eventually. It was 2020 and 2021 when they finally released, right in the middle of lockdown. But my heart wasn’t in those books. I wanted to continue writing about me and Ruari—and that was what the world wanted too.

I wrote and wrote; writing was my drug, because I was now not only living with him at night, in my dreams, but on the page, too. I was writing our story. I was keeping him alive, keeping myself alive.

The Saga of Me and Himturned into an eight-book series. The books got on several bestseller lists.New York Times, USA Today, Sunday Times. Each new novel centered around a new couple—a couple that had been introduced in the previous book—talking of their epic love story, but it was always me and Ruari. Always.

We went through everything together, in those books.

Adelaide James: How lovely for you.

Summer Taylor-Braddon: Only it wasn’t. Publishing those books was so different. And hold on—I’ve got my notes here on this. On how I want to say it.

Adelaide James: And this is the woman who doesn’t plan to manipulate us, ha!

Summer Taylor-Braddon: Most authors have to do a lot of events. Publishers encourage it, especially when a new book is releasing. It gets more attention on it. I’d done a few events before—signings at local bookstores, a couple of conventions, and I’d spoken on panels at CrimeFest in Bristol two years running—this was before the wedding. The honeymoon.

But whenThe Sagareleased, I wasn’t doing events anymore. It wasn’t safe. Just the thought of exposing myself to complete strangers scared me, but I also missed the interaction on a deeper level.

Before, at some of my signings, readers would tell me their favorite scenes in the books, and I always enjoyed that. But now I wasn’t getting that, so I started paying more attention to the reviews. More and more, I was on Goodreads, which of course is not a place for writers at all.

But I wasn’t reading everything there that was being written about my books—and of course, there were things about me. A lot of hate. But I would also find stuff that was useful to me. Literary discussions about my books, my plots. And there was one comment that really stuck with me.

The Sagawas romance. That was mainly how it was being marketed. But this one person was complaining there was no spice. They wrote something like, ‘Has this author ever even been laid?’ and that comment really got to me.

I wondered then if they could tell I was asexual from reading my books. Because I wasn’t writing about sex. I was only writing about love. Even though pretty much everyone else—it felt like—saw them as entwined. You can’t have one without the other, and all that.

So, with the final Saga book, I wrote a sex scene.

I had to read a lot of them at first, and I kind of got into reading these more explicit romances. So, soon I was able to write more sexy stuff.

After all eight of theSagabooks were out, I got a deal for a standalone romance. A Christmas romance. This wasJust in Time, which released in September 2023. The publisher wanted a lot of sex, because sex sells. So, I wrote it.

It was easier than I thought.

One day, Hana and Julia had come over. We were hanging out in my living room—Mum was out—and Hana had the last of theSagabooks in her hand. She opened the sex scene—she’d bookmarked it—and she asked me why I had written it.

“I really loved that these books were closed-door,” she said. “That these were books you could tell your mother that you were reading, without getting embarrassed.”

I told her that I’d wanted to see if I could write it: sex.

“But why wouldn’t you be able to?” Julia had asked. “You and Ruari were living the greatest love story of all time.”

I don’t really remember a moment where I took a deep breath or anything, a moment where I knew I was about to tell them what felt like my biggest secret. It just came out, naturally. And these were my best friends, so I had no reason to think they wouldn’t be supportive.

“I’m asexual,” I said, and I said it so simply. Other than talking to Ruari about my sexuality, this was the first time I’d had a conversation with anyone where it was about me being asexual.

I recall that Hana just nodded. She’d already come out as a lesbian shortly after we left school, and she was pretty open to it all. But Julia just stared at me.

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