Page 11 of Forever is Now

And she hadn’t liked when we’d moved in together. Mainly because it meant he wasn’t injecting as much money into her household, keeping her drug habits afloat. They’d had a lot of arguments since he’d moved out, and she’d already told us somewhat gleefully that attending our wedding would be the last thing she’d ever want to do. “Even after taking out the bins and climbing inside the wheelie one and getting chucked into the garbage and ripped to shreds.” Those were her exact words. I don’t know how I remember that, but I do.

Ruari had pretended he didn’t care. He’d told me it didn’t matter, but I’d known it had hurt him, despite what he kept insisting.

But with the police in the room, Ruari just kept shaking his head and letting out this small laugh. The officers then began speaking more to me, directing all their questions and whatever else they had to say to me, rather than him, just letting him pace the room, muttering about her.

Then they left.

“Hey,” I said to Ruari, my voice low. I took him in my arms, and as soon as I touched him, I felt the tension leave his body. It just melted away, and he sort of fell against me. There was this really long, low-pitched sound emitting from his chest, like a groan, but so much more.

He cried then, even though he was still muttering at the same time, about how she’d just had to do this. Had to try and ruin it for us.

[She clears her throat] He was determined that we’d still get married though. He said that we couldn’t let it stop us. I was all set to postpone it, but he, well, he insisted.

I can’t tell you just how nervous I was for our wedding ceremony. I mean, I was absolutely petrified—not that I thought Ruari would jilt me or something, just that I’d faint while we were exchanging vows. This wasn’t helped by the fact that I’d been watching a lot of those ‘wedding fails’ reels on Instagram. You know the kind, where the bride or groom faints and ‘ruins’ the wedding, causing utter commotion.

I knew I shouldn’t have been watching them, because they were just making me more anxious. But I couldn’t stop.

The morning of the wedding was actually nice weather for a change. Like, really nice. I’d been worried it would rain—that it would rain really heavily and we’d all be soaked, but at five in the morning, as me and Julia and Hana met in the dressing room at the hotel, wide-awake despite the time, we looked out the window into the early dawn and saw warmth and stillness. A slight mist hung in the Dartmoor valleys that we could see from the sash window, and it actually looked like it was going to be an amazing day.

“Good vibes,” Hana said, smiling.

Then it was a whirl of getting ready. The hairdresser and makeup artist took over the tables, my mother arrived with her nail-painting kit (we’d gone for soft pinks for me and the bridesmaids, and a soft peach for my mum), and someone soon connected their iPhone to speakers, blasting out music that I was sure was going to waken many of the guests. But of course, I was the bride, this was my wedding, and so no one said a thing.

Matilda arrived about an hour later, fresh-faced and a tad sweaty. She’d been cutting it fine with her flight getting in, but she also had some pretty expensive camera equipment with her that she’d borrowed from a mate. She was designated photographer, and it was fun, posing as we got ready, pulling silly faces, pouting into the lens.

“And let’s get one with Julia putting your shoe on,” Matilda said.

I’d just been crammed into my dress—that was what it felt like, cramming, because the corset had been laced up oh so tightly—and was currently sitting on the hairdresser’s chair while she fussed with my locks. No sooner had Matilda spoken, when Julia seemed to materialize in front of me, with my heels in her hands.

Mum and I had chosen my heels two weeks ago, when we’d gone for my final dress fitting. They were a soft satin, but provided a lot of stability, the heel being pretty chunky. Now, Julia and I posed, like I was Cinderella seeing if the glass slipper fit.

And it did.

“Pull the skirt of your dress up just a little,” Matilda advised me. “Show a little of your leg—and lift that leg up a bit too, so your muscle’s not been squashed against the chair leg. We want to see the shape.”

I felt so awkward posing for photos—but Matilda was right. The photos do make me look good. Not that I can really look at them much.

Once we were all ready, we headed off to the ceremony venue as a group. And it was just... I just remember it being so perfect. I’d never seen Ruari looking so handsome. Mum walked me down the aisle, and Ruari was just there, smiling so wide, with tears in his eyes. He was wearing this really nice dark blue suit that just brought out the color of his eyes more.

As I’ve already said, I was so nervous about the ceremony, about fainting in it or being sick, but it actually went really quickly. We said our vows, and I don’t really remember many specifics, other than how warm Ruari’s hand felt when he put the ring on my finger. The wedding ring! We were married.

We posed for more photos—like, proper ones, by a river, with Ruari’s beloved Dartmoor as a backdrop—and then we had the reception. Julia, Hana, and Mum had done all the decorating for the room, and they’d put sunflowers and daisies, my favorite flowers, everywhere. It was so artfully done, so artistic.

Everyone was there, and I’d been worried that it might draw attention to the absence of Ruari’s own mother, but he didn’t mention her at all and he never seemed sad. He was the life and soul of the party that day, and well, he did get quite drunk. But who doesn’t on their wedding day?

I don’t usually drink alcohol, but even I had quite a few. I had this warm feeling filling my body, and it was like the ambience of the party was just carrying me around. Waiters and waitresses served finger food before the wedding breakfast, which we had quite late in the day. There were speeches there too, mainly from Mum and also Ruari’s uncle. His dad was back in prison so he wasn’t there. But Ruari’s uncle—Portia’s brother—was actually pretty cool. Not what I was expecting at all. He had this huge pink mohawk, and his suit was like this shimmery peachy color. He fitted into the wedding party really well with those colours.

So, the day went well. And Ruari and I headed off on our honeymoon the next morning, thinking we had the whole of our lives ahead of us.

The horror was only just about to begin.

And now this seems to be a good place to talk with my mother, right? And, Adelaide, you’re going to like this, because I’m actually going to step out of the studio here and give you the floor. But be careful to stick to just the topics I want asked here, yeah?

On Monday, you’ll get your say.

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Adelaide James: Well, Mrs. Taylor, this feels odd, does it not?

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