Page 66 of My Heart to Find

I relocate to my room and bring up another audiobook on my iPhone. I finishedLuckiest Girl Alivea few days ago, but haven’t selected a new title. I scroll through my audio library, then click one at random.Stillhouse Lakeby Rachel Caine.

Just as I’m a couple chapters in, I get a text.

It’s Damien.

I stare at the notification for a few moments, before opening it, uncertain of how I should feel. He really hurt my best friend.

But this is Damien texting me.

I click to read the text.

Can I see you?

Four words, so simple, so powerful. I stare at them, a thousand thoughts swirling through my head.

Okay,I reply. Because maybe this is it? Maybe this is the start of something? And I try not to think about what a bad friend to Jana this makes me.

*

IMEET DAMIEN OUTSIDEHigh Court Flats, the same place where I met him on our date. He offered to come by my house, but I didn’t want to risk it with Esme home. She could very well report to Jana.

Jana. I don’t even know how I’m going to explain this to her. Because this is me and Damien getting together, isn’t it? Not even a day after he broke up with her.

“Hi,” Damien says.

“Hi.” My voice is breathy. It’s getting dark. I don’t like being out in the evenings now. Especially after the night at the club.

“So, I... I’m not with Jana now,” he says.

“I know.” My voice sounds strange. My throat’s a bit numb, and every part of my body is aching. The walk here was difficult, but I made myself do it.

“Because it’s you I want.” Damien gives me a grin. And he’s expecting me to smile back? When my best friend’s been dumped?

“She’s really upset you know,” I say. “Jana.”

He exhales softly. “I—I don’t know what to say.” He looks up at the sky for a long moment. “I didn’t mean to drag it out for so long with her. After we talked last time, I wanted to do it then, but...things happened. And it was... I just wanted to get it over with. I wanted to see you.” There’s hope in his eyes.

I nod. “I am pleased to see you,” I say. “But...what is this?” I gesture at the space between us.

“This is us,” he says. “This is what we should’ve done a long time ago. I can’t believe how much has changed in three years.”

“Do you think too much has?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “No. Definitely not. I just wish I’d been there for you, with all this, like, right from the start. We should’ve been coping with this together.”

Together. I like the way that sounds.

He makes a sound deep in the back of his throat. “Cara, I’m not sure how to handle this—like, do you want to talk about your illness a lot? Or is it better if I don’t mention it, like if we talk about other things? I just don’t want you thinking that I’m not interested in your illness. I am. I just don’t know how to navigate this.”

This. Such a loaded word.

“I think I’d rather talk about something else, not focus on it,” I say, and that feels right. I want to be myself around Damien, not the shadow that the Lyme has made me become.

Damien nods. “Of course.” He gives me a smile that reminds me of all the smiles he gave me in Mallorca. I feel myself start to relax.

“We’re going to have to be careful though,” I say. “Jana can’t know that we’re...together.” I almost trip up on saying the word—like I can’t believe this is actually happening. “At least not right away. She’s my best friend, Damien. I don’t want to lose her.”

“Of course not,” he says. “And you won’t. I mean, she has to understand, right? She was on that retreat too—she must’ve picked up on what was between us.”

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