Page 12 of When We Were Young

CHAPTER SEVEN

Emma

Ishould’ve just mailedthe album back. Got it done with, without seeing him at all. Because now...now I’m feeling things. Things he isn’t feeling.

I swallow quickly and look at my hands, still in his. “I’m going to have to go, sorry.” I wince at the apology, but that’s me, always apologizing when there’s nothing to apologize for.

“So soon?” Oscar looks surprised.

“I was just dropping it off, really. Thanks for the tea.” I pull my hands from his and stand up. My back clicks a little.

I stare at the hard lines of his face. He’s filled out a fair bit, but it’s only noticeable close up. I want to touch his face, I feel that urge within me.

But I don’t. I can’t.

I brush down my jeans—I don’t know why—then reach for my jumper.

“I’m so sorry.”

His voice makes me jump, not because it’s loud, but because of the emotion in it.

I turn to look at him, and he rubs his ear.

“Breaking up with you was the worst thing I ever did. And all those things afterward.”

All those girls...

“Why?” I whisper.

He presses his lips together, then exhales. For a long time, I don’t think he’s going to answer. It’s like a thousand different things are going on in his head, and they’re things I’m not privy to. Things that aren’t open to me.

I used to be able to read him so easily. We knew what each other were thinking, all the time.

“I’m so sorry. I—” He shakes his head. “I want to explain it, have all these reasons, things I can say to make you understand. But I can’t make you understand, and there are no reasons. Not really. Just that I was a horrible person. And there are things I could make up, things I could say were the reasons why I did it—but it would just be lies, because I don’t know why I did it... All I know is it was the biggest mistake of my life, doing that to you.”

I gulp and nod, feel a tear spill. He reaches out, and his thumb wipes it away, and the contact is enough.

Enough to make me feel it. Feel what we have.

Because it never went away.

It just got wrapped up, buried.

But it’s still there, still accessible, if I want to unwrap it all, find it again. Find Oscar.

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