Page 46 of A Fighting Chance

Nothing matters right now but Paw.

We drive behind the ambulance as fast as we can, trying to keep up. But as the road opens up, the ambulance slinks farther and farther away until we can’t even hear the sirens anymore. We simply chase behind it, knowing our destinations are the same.

We turn into the hospital parking lot and scramble out of the truck, heading into the building together. I hadn’t bothered to look at myself, to even pull my hair up in a ponytail, and not a single bone in me cares.

We find our way to the reception desk in the emergency room and explain why we’re here. They send us to the third floor—the cardiology wing—and we take the elevator up. Another task that seems to float by in slow motion.

We find Nan as soon as the elevator opens on the floor.

She’s sitting in the waiting area, where she explains to us that they have him back there but won’t let her go in.

“Have they talked to you?” Harper asks.

“Not yet,” Nan says.

“How long did they say it would be?” I ask.

“They said it could be a while,” Nan tells us.

“I’ll go find some coffee,” Gentry says, stepping down the hallway toward the nurses’ station. It’s probably a good idea, knowing we’ll likely be here for some time.

We take a seat in the far corner of the waiting area, Nan and Harper by one wall, Gentry and I by the other, once he returns with each of our coffees. As we sit in our corner, I notice for the first time that I’m still wearing his sweater. Part of me finds it comforting but mostly I just hope Harper and Nan don’t notice. I try to ignore the faint scent of him wafting up from the soft fabric as I take Nan’s hand into mine.

We sit in silence for a few minutes and sip our coffees. I barely notice anything about it beyond it being hot and that Gentry had added a generous amount of sugar for me. I look down at the small paper cup in my hand, twisting it around and around absentmindedly. Gentry reaches over and takes the cup from me, placing it on the table next to us. He takes my now-free hand in his. I see Nan’s holding Harper’s hand and now we’re all holding hands in a semi-circle.

I’ve never been a religious person. When I was younger, I explored various options and beliefs, but none of it seemed to fit me the way it did other people. I looked at others and they wore their beliefs so effortlessly, so naturally. It used to bother me, but I settled into it after a little while. Accepted it. But here and now, I wish I believed in something—anything. I send up a prayer to all the gods, just in case.

After a few more minutes, a doctor finally approaches and we all stand in unison. I’m pretty sure we’re all holding our breath, too.

“Mrs. Whitney?” he asks, directing his question to Nan.

She shakes her head slowly, fear gripping her facial features.

“Your husband suffered a mild heart attack,” the doctor informs her. “We have him stabilized but he’s currently headed into emergency bypass surgery. The surgery should restore blood flow to his heart.”

“How long will the surgery take?” Harper asks.

“It depends on the severity of the damage, but it’ll be at least a few hours,” the doctor says.

“What should we do?” I ask.

“Right now, there’s nothing that can be done. You should just focus on trying to get some rest. We’ll update you when we have more information and will let you see him as soon as we can,” he says.

“Thank you,” Nan says quietly.

The doctor gives us a curt nod and turns away, heading back toward the doors markedRESTRICTED. Then we watch him disappear behind them.

We all sit back down slowly, adjusting in our seats as if we’d ever actually be able to get comfortable or rest.

“I’ll go make some calls, so the farm will be okay while we’re here,” Gentry says.

Nan nods her head as she stares forward. She doesn’t move otherwise and my heart hurts for her. Nan and Paw have been together since they were both in their early twenties. I can’t even pretend to understand a love like that. I know she’s worried and I don’t blame her. I pull my legs up into the chair and attempt to settle in.

Gentry returns a little while later and lets us know everything will be fine while we’re here. He’s taken care of everything. I’m so grateful for his presence and authority in this moment. He reaches over and clasps my shoulder, gently massaging me, and I give in to the sensation. I’m so tense, but I let myself melt under his touch, not even caring who might see or what they might think. There’s too much stress in my body for that. Even in this situation, I want him to take me into his arms. Not in a sexual way, but for comfort. I want him to stroke my hair, to tell me everything will be okay. To tell me not to worry.

I must fall asleep at some point, though I don’t know how or when.

I feel a shift and my eyes flutter open slowly. Harper is across from me, her head propped on her hand, her eyes closed. I realize then that my head is on Gentry’s shoulder and his arm is around me. I tilt my head up slightly.

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