Page 24 of With This Lie

Lucas

I wakeup the next morning and for the first time in a long time, I am disappointed to be in my own bed. I know she asked me to leave because she thought I probably needed to. It felt like she wanted me to stay. I wanted to stay. I sort of hate myself for leaving. Wow, this is a terrible way to wake up.

I roll over and look at my phone and I have no messages, so I roll back over and shut my eyes. I consider going back to sleep for a little while, but my thoughts take over again. I wanted to stay with Dani. I never want to stay. What the hell? I don’t know if that’s good or bad but I’m going to try to push it aside for now. Fuck, I have to work today.

I get up and head for the bathroom to shower. Should I text her? No, Lucas, no. Don’t do it. Not yet. I turn on the water and let the temperature regulate as I pull my clothes off and step in, letting the water hit me square in the face for several seconds. I wash up and get out without letting my thoughts wander too far. Should I text her now? No, Jesus, shut up. I get dressed and grab my keys and phone and start down the stairs. I open my car door and slide behind the wheel. Okay, I’m texting her now. This is stupid.

Me: Good morning you. Off to work and thinking of you.

I stare at the text before sending. Should I send that? Is that too mushy? What the hell is going on with me? I backspace a bit and revise.

Me: Good morning you. Off to work and thinking about last night.

Okay, yeah, maybe that’s better. Less…something. I stare at the screen for a full minute seeing if she responds but nothing. I put my phone down and pull into the road. I can’t let her distract me this much. I need to focus on literally anything else. I start thinking about the workload today and hear my phone buzz. Shit, okay, I’ll just look when I stop.

I pull into the parking lot at work and pick up my phone.

Dani: Good morning you. What was your favorite part of last night?

I consider the question for a moment and formulate a response.

Me: That first kiss is still lingering.

Me: Then again, tasting you is still very much on my mind.

I smile at the thought. I have to keep this casual. We both know what this is, what this is supposed to be.

Dani: I enjoyed that part too.

Dani: Have a good day at work. You might not be able to reach me later, but I’ll message you back when I can.

Me: All right, have a good day.

Dani: I’ll try.

I wonder what would keep her from being able to text but then realize it’s none of my business and put it out of my mind. If she wanted me to know she would have told me. I get out of my car and walk into work completely unmotivated. Today is going to be a long day.

I should probably text Elliott and see if today is good for him. If Dani isn’t going to be available, I might as well. I smile involuntarily just at the thought of her name and curse under my breath. I’m such a dumb fuck.

I try to reason with myself. It’s new and that makes it exciting, that’s all. No big deal. It’s always like this in the beginning. Except it’s not. And I know it. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of fun and good sex but all that? That connection while talking? That’s not usually part of the package. I don’t even usually entertain it. She’s just really easy to talk to. Too easy maybe. I’m not usually one for pillow talk but with her, I look forward to it. So much for focusing on something else and not letting Dani overpower all your thoughts.

I get to my office and shut the door. I have some time before the morning meeting, so I use it to answer emails and return some messages. I check the clock fifteen minutes later and hate that it’s only been fifteen minutes. I decide to text Elliott.

Me: I’m free this evening if you want to meet up?

I keep working while I wait for a response and surprisingly it comes pretty quickly.

Elliott: Can’t tonight. But definitely can Wednesday?

Me: Okay, that works for me. You want to go to that place you sent before?

And I’m hoping he says yes so I can use it as a means to see Dani at the same time.

Elliott: No, let’s grab dinner at this place close to my work. I’ll send you the address later.

Me: Okay.

Elliott: Cool.

I go back to work and check the clock and it’s only seven minutes later than it was and I snap my rubber band three times. I decide the only way I’m going to get through it is to really dig in and just deal with it.

I’m kidding myself. I know that. I spend my work day thinking of Dani and cursing the clock. I want to see her tonight but wonder if it’s too much too soon. I wonder if she will wonder how I have so much availability. Perhaps it’s not a good idea. I have to get a handle on this.

I snap my rubber band at my self-loathing thoughts and realize I may have made my life even more complicated than it was before, if that’s even possible.

---