Page 10 of With This Lie

6

Lucas

I wake abruptlyto the sun shining in on me, causing me to sweat. I check my phone and I see that I fucking slept until eleven. That’s lunch time for some people. I guess I really needed it. The night did end on an intense note after all.

I make my way to the kitchen, to the coffee. I slept half my Saturday away. Now what? I hate that I always feel guilty for sleeping. It feels like wasted time, and apparently as an adult, you’re not allowed to do that. It makes no sense to me. Maybe I will take the day to just be by myself. Maybe go for a run or drive out of the city. I’m not awake enough to make that decision just yet.

I grab my coffee and slump into the living room and onto the couch. I stare at my mother’s record player. I wasn’t much for listening to music myself, but she wanted me to have it when she died so I held onto it along with her entire vinyl collection. I never actually play it. It’s a shame really. I’m sure there are others who would enjoy it much more than I am. I flip through some vinyl records in a box next to me. I don’t even know most of these bands.

I check my phone as I sip my coffee. Elliott still hasn’t replied to me. I snap my rubber band against my wrist. Not surprising. We haven’t seen each other in so long. He doesn’t know I’ve cut all my hair off or that I have a beard now. Or that I’ve put on several pounds of muscle. I’m not the chubby kid I was back then. Hell, he probably wouldn’t even recognize me on the street. But if I know him, and I do, he won’t look any different. He will still be the same, polished priss he always was. I stop my thoughts there. No need to dwell on something that will never change.

It feels like a walking day. Every once in a while, I take a free day and I walk around the city. I meander up and down streets for miles, nearly getting lost. Sometimes I walk for hours. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. It will give me time to reflect on my thoughts, and I won’t be a shut in. Sometimes getting lost is the best way to find the answers.

I put on some jeans and a t-shirt along with some shoes comfortable enough to do a lot of walking in and head out. I turn right and just start walking with no intention and no direction in mind, ready to see where the day takes me. I like to observe people as I walk, the way they interact with others. I notice a woman getting out of what I can only assume is an Uber ride. I notice a business man on his cell phone, late to a meeting no doubt. He narrowly misses running into a woman coming out of a shop. Men like that have no sense of an outside world, no sense of others with just as complex lives as they have. These are my least favorite people.

Two kids are playing at the edge of the park on the corner and I decide to cut through there. The city did a good job of nestling parks throughout, with mature trees and pleasant paths. They almost make you forget you are actually in a concrete jungle. I walk the longest path, taking me from one side of the park to the other, several blocks over. I come out the other side near a café I’ve never tried so I decide to stop in for lunch. Considering I slept so late, I’m skipping right over breakfast which is so unfortunate.

I take a seat in the corner booth next to the window so I can watch people pass by on the street. I like watching men in particular. Not because I’m harboring any latent sexual curiosities, but because I wonder what they are like. I wonder if they have families. I wonder if love screwed them over too. I envy the ones that look happy. I imagine they have wives and children and houses they’ve worked for. I imagine they didn’t fuck up their lives like I did by being too frightened to “get back out there” as my friends call it. With just one continuous lie, I managed to completely restructure my entire life.

“What can I get for you?” the waitress asks, breaking my thoughts and stare. I snap my rubber band and look up at her.

I shift in my seat and grab the menu. “I just need a few minutes, but can I get a water with lemon?”

She nods her head and turns on her heel. I stare down at the menu and realize I’m not really that hungry but probably should eat if I plan to walk the day away. I begin to mindlessly read each item and its whole description like I don’t know what comes on a BLT all of a sudden. This is the sort of thing I do when I’m being indecisive.

“Hello,” a familiar voice says, just beyond the menu.

I pull the menu down from my face to see who has interrupted my thoughts this time. I glance up to see an even more familiar bouncy blonde bob and a head tilted sideways at me.

“Well, hello there.” I smile at her.

“Do you remember me?” she asks.

“Of course I do. Dani, right?” I pretend to have forgotten a little, so as not to appear so eager. This is the type of thing you have to keep in check.

She smiles again. “That’s right. So do you live around here?” she asks, looking out the window in different directions.

“Not so fast. Do you remember my name?” I tease, smiling mischievously.

“Lucas,” she says, raising a hand to one hip.

“Okay, okay, I’m just checking,” I say. “And to answer your question, sort of. If you were to walk through that park over there, I’m on the other side of it. Do you live around here?”

“The bar where we met, the one I work at, is just about two blocks up from here.”

I look out the window, up and down the street. “Oh, I guess I hadn’t realized,” I say. “Small world, huh?”

“And getting smaller,” she says.

She’s still standing and it’s getting to the point where I need to say something. “So, would you like to join me?” I ask, gesturing to the seat across from me.

There’s a little hesitation in her face and she looks around.

I wait for just a few moments longer.

“Sure, why not?” she finally says.

“Don’t sound so excited,” I say.

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