Page 59 of For Now

Samuel dropped me off at the door and went to park the car. I found the directory and we took the elevator up to the third floor where the maternity wing was. I looked up and down the hall for a nurse. Then I heard it. As clear as ever, Emma’s voice echoing down thehallway.

“Not yet. I’m not ready yet!” sheyelled.

I ran into her room as she was pleading with the doctor. “I’m here!” Isaid.

“Delilah! Thank god!” shesaid.

David was at her side and she ushered for me to hold her hand on the other side ofher.

“Are we ready now?” the doctorasked.

Emma shook her head. This was it. This was the moment that was going to change her entire life. I held her hand, I held my breath, and I pushed withher.

She was pushing new life into this world. Somewhere in my head, I was pushing out all the pain, all the hurt I’d experienced over the years. She was giving birth to this tiny person who would be the rest of her life. I was allowing myself to be reborn. She welcomed into existence her new reason for living. I said goodbye to all the reasons I’d made up for why I didn’t deserve anything more than this. That night in the hospital, there were twomiracles.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Eight hours later,I watched Emma take her baby girl into her arms for the first time. My friend lay there, tired and sweaty and unbelievably happy. Tears swelled in my eyes as I pushed the hair from her face. I watched her as she watched her baby make scrunched upfaces.

“Liv. Her name is Liv,” Emmasaid.

I smiled at the perfection in front of me for a few minutes and realized the adrenaline was beginning to drain from me. I got up to stretch my legs and give them a private moment.Samuel! Damnit!He’d probably gone home after a while. I stepped out of her room and walked down to the waiting area and there he sat. He was slumped over in the corner, eyes shut.I can’t believe he’s stillhere.

I sat down next to him and his eyes fluttered open. I brushed my hand against his forearm. “You stayed,” Isaid.

“Of course,” hesaid.

“Emma will appreciate it,” Isaid.

“I know it’s her moment but I didn’t stay for her, Delilah.” He ran his thumb across mycheek.

I looked into his eyes for a long moment. Despite being the darkest I had ever seen, they still managed to be so bright. They did something to me. Something I couldn’t explain. I felt naked under them, exposed. When he paired them with that smile that reached the corners of his eyes, I couldn’t help butbuckle.

“I know,” I said. Despite not wanting to be, I was exhausted and my body was starting to shut down on me. He tooknotice.

“You’re tired. Let’s get you home. You need some sleep,” hesaid.

I nodded. I went back in to say goodbye to Emma and told her I’d come back in themorning.

Samuel drove me back home and walked me in. I headed to the guest room and he stopped a few steps short in thehallway.

“I should probably go. You need to rest,” he said, giving me half asmile.

“Oh,” I said, suddenly realizing I didn’t want him toleave.

“I’ll see you later, okay? We still have to finish up this room,” he said, pointing toward thenursery.

I nodded my head and gave a polite smile. Samuel walked back down the hallway into the living room and I heard the front door open and shut. I stood here, heart pounding, hoping to hear it open again but it didn’t. I sat on the edge of the bed and fell back, throwing my hands over my head. I thought about him. I thought about his letter.Can Istay?

My eyelids began to get heavier and I found myself giving in to the sleep washing over me. I fell asleep right here, fully dressed, with my legs still hanging over the edge of the bed. My dreams were scattered and broken. Just flashes of images like a slideshow. I saw Jeff and Marilyn. I saw Mason. I saw Samuel. He was waving at me from far away. It felt like he was saying goodbye. I feltpanicked.

I shot up from sleep in a cold sweat. I inhaled quickly and shuttered. I wiped my eyes and searched in the dark for my phone. I had been asleep for three hours.How can thatbe?

I knew what I had to do now. I got up from bed and changed my clothes. I had been wearing these since yesterday. I threw my purse over my shoulder. I took a look in the mirror and tried to tame my hair a little. I wiped the smudged mascara from beneath my eyes and shrugged.Well, if it’slove….

I ran out the door and down the road. I ran around the corner and saw Samuel’s house. Ignoring everything else, I ran all the way up to the front door and knocked. I knocked again. I turned to see his car wasn’t in the driveway.Where ishe?

I thought for a moment and then searched in my purse. I found a scrap of paper and eyeliner and that would have to do. I scribbled a note down as best I could, telling him where to meet me and when, and shoved it in the crack of his door. And all I could think was,please find this,Samuel.

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