Page 57 of For Now

Samuel returned with Chinese. He was even thoughtful enough to bring plenty back for Emma. He placed my food in front of me with two fortune cookies ontop.

He really didremember.

Chapter Thirty-Six

The next morning,I unpackaged all the baby clothes and bedding and threw them in the wash. I held a onesie up that read “Mommy’s Girl” printed on the front. I smiled. Emma was going to be so good atthis.

Sometimes I couldn’t help but let my mind wander back to when I was pregnant. I daydream about what could have been if I hadn’t lost her. I think about all the things we might have done together, all the things we might have experienced. The birthdays and the Christmas mornings. The first step taken and the first day of school and the first lost tooth. Sometimes, somehow, the sadness subsides just a little so I can see all the beauty that might have been. The beauty that, for whatever reason, was not meant tobe.

A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts and I looked over to see Samuel sliding in, breakfast in hand. He handed me a coffee and a brown paperbag.

“Good morning,” he said, smiling down atme.

I both admired and hated his cheerful morning disposition. “Your enthusiasm is to be envied,” I responded. I unfolded the top of the bag and smelled the loveliest breakfastscent.

“Bacon, egg, and cheese on a croissant,” Samuelsaid.

He was good at feeding me, I would give him that. I took a sip of my coffee, savoring the caramelflavor.

“So what’s the plan for today?” heasked.

“Well, I started to wash the clothes and bedding this morning. I thought we could go ahead and get all the paint supplies put away and get the dresser back in place. Then we could tackle the crib? I think it’s the only other thing that would definitely need to be assembled inside the room,” Isaid.

“Sounds like a plan,” he said, biting into his sausagesandwich.

Emma and David had gone to a check-up appointment and wouldn’t be back for a couple of hours. I finished my sandwich and removed the tags from some more baby clothes. I held up a little pinkdress.

“So have they picked a name?” Samuelasked.

I laughed. “Not yet. It would seem that they’re having trouble. I think Emma wants to hold her first,” Isaid.

“Did you have a name picked out?” he asked, nervousness in his voice with the realization that the question would take us from small talk to somethingmore.

“Yeah, I did,” I said, barely audible. I hadn’t spoken her name since I lost her. I wasn’t sure if I could. Or maybe I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. He sat there, looking at me in silence, waiting. I took a deepbreath.

“Lily,” I said, eyes fixed on the floor, “after my favoriteflower.”

Samuel reached over and squeezed my hand. He didn’t say anything. He had a way of somehow knowing when to say something and when to keep quiet in a situation. You can give a lot to another person with your silence at just the right moment. I might never speak her name again for as long as I live but I was glad I did it this one time, for just this one moment. I met his gaze with myown.

“We’d better move that dresser in,” I said, changing the subject and making an excuse to getup.

Emma hadn’t given us any direction on how and where she wanted things so we were on our own. I tried to invoke her spirit for the task but I didn’t think it was helping. Samuel and I moved the dresser to three different places around the room before we settled on the official spot.God, I hope everything doesn’t take this long.I went to change over the laundry and put more in while he pulled the crib box into the room and started opening it up. When I returned, he had successfully managed to take everything out of the box and cover the entire floor with wood pieces and screws and some other things I definitely didn’t recognize. He was down on his knees with the assembly directions in one hand and an L-shaped doohickey in the other. His brow was furrowed and serious. He seemed to really beconcentrating.

“Well, it’s official. This is clearly the manual for how to build an atomic bomb, not a crib,” he said, flipping it over to show me thediagrams.

I might have fainted had I looked at that by myself. This suddenly didn’t feel quite as simple as I thought it was going to be. “It’s okay. It will be fine. We are two intelligent adults. I’m sure we can figure this out,” I said. I plopped down on the floor and peeked over his shoulder to read along with him.God, he smellsgood.

Two hours later, we had three quarters of a crib. This was one of those converting types, and needless to say, it had a lot of mechanics to it that we didn’t expect. I went out to the kitchen to pour us something to drink and my phone started ringing. It wasEmma.

“Hello?” Isaid.

“Delilah, hey, listen. They’re making me go over to the hospital. Apparently, I’m dilated a little more than they expected and they want to keep an eye on me,” shesaid.

“Oh my gosh! Emma! Is this it? Are you going to have the baby?” Iasked.

“It is very possible! Oh my god, I’m freaking out. David is driving me over to the hospital and I’m going to get settled into the room and then he’s going to run home for my hospital bag. But they said he could spend the night with me, so you’ll have the house to yourself. Will you be okay?” sheasked.

“Of course, of course. Don’t worry about me! Keep me posted, okay? If they say it’s getting close, I want to be there!” Isaid.

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