Page 5 of For Now

We took a seat across from each other and she started shoveling out food onto a plate for me. She’d even ordered me a large green tea. I did my best to eat what she gave me. My bites were slow, small, and deliberate, but it was astart.

“Do you have any plans today?” sheasked.

“No, not really,” I said. I had been fortunate enough to gain a level of success that meant I didn’t have to hold a day job. I could write full time, which meant during the times when I wasn’t able to write anything, I had a lot of filling to do. Sometimes it was easy and sometimes it was difficult, depending on mymood.

“Well, you’ve got to do something with your time. You can’t just mope around every day. You’ll get fat,” shejoked.

But she was right. I had to move. “I saw a gym down the street. I used to go pretty regularly once upon a time. Back at home. I mean, back in Nashville,” I said.This is homenow.

“That’s the gym I use, too! You could probably even walk there from here if you really wanted,” shesaid.

She certainly seemed more excited about it than I did. “Okay, I’ll go sign up today. It won’t hurt to have somewhere to let off somesteam.”

“Do you think you’ll be dating soon?” sheasked.

I shot her a look that probably instantly made her regret asking. “No.”

“Well, I was only asking because I know this great guy I think you would like.He…”

“NO,” I said, cutting her off mid-sentence. I didn’t shout, but I was forceful aboutit.

“I understand,” shesaid.

She didn’t mean anything by it. And truth be told, no one else would think it was too soon for her to ask. I had been separated for a solid year now. I think by this point, people expect you to at least be open to the idea. In all that time, I didn’t even think about dating. I still wasn’t thinking about dating. But it was a fair question, I guess. I just had no interest. And Emma had spent our entire friendship looking out for me in a way only true friends would understand. It was quite motherly orsisterly.

We finished eating, mostly in silence, and made a bit of small talk. She talked about her new studio. Emma had made a pretty decent name for herself as a photographer and was successful enough to open a store front studio. She spent her days snapping shots of happy women in their wedding gowns, at bridal parties, with their newborn babies, and families. She said her favorite thing to do was photograph the same family over time. From engagement photos, to the wedding, the newborn, and then family photos. She loved watching the evolution of it. She once said it made her happy to watch themgrow.

“You know, if you’re ever bored and want to fill some time, you can always come help me out at the studio,” sheoffered.

“Thank you, that might be nice,” I said sort of quietly. In truth, the thought was terrifying. I’m not sure I wanted to be around all those happy smiling families and babies.All those babies.I put my hand over my belly and thought it would be best to stay away from her studio for the timebeing.

“You feel like going for a drive? There’s a store downtown I think you’d like,” shesaid.

“Sure.” I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed my purse, keys, and phone. It seemed like a better idea than watching the squirrels again after she left. I needed to get out. I couldn’t stay away from people forever. I locked the door behind us and made my way to her blueNissan.

* * *

Emma was right.That night, I sat in bed with all the stuff I purchased, pulling things from bags. Shopping made me feel a little better. She took me to her favorite boutiques. I bought some things for the house. A couple of vases, some candles, a few picture frames.Although I don’t know what I’ll put in them.I bought some cute pillows for the couch and curtains for the windows. I even managed to make a joke while I was out withher.

“Well, at least I get to decorate exactly how I want and don’t have a pesky husband to battlewith.”

The laugh that followed was small, but it wasthere.

Emma forced me into buying some new clothes. I hated clothes shopping. I looked in the mirrors in dressing room after dressing room and hated how everything looked. But she insisted and when your best friend insists, you go with it. I pulled out a couple of sweaters from one of the bags. If I was being honest with myself, I was glad she made me buy them. They were so cozy and perfect for the coming weather. I pulled a dress from another bag. I wasn’t so sure about this one. I didn’t really wear a lot of dresses. It was long sleeve and sort of short, something you wear with leggings and boots.I’ll just tuck this in the back of my closet and only wear it when Emma forces meto.

I finished putting everything away and reminded myself to get fresh flowers for my new vases tomorrow. I always enjoyed fresh flowers in the house. They kept it smelling nice while also giving the appearance of a cheerful atmosphere, even when it wasn’t true. Jeff used to bring me lilies home, my favorite. So tomorrow, I would get any other flower. No more lilies for me. I’d have to settle on a new favoriteflower.

Just as I was pulling the blanket up over me, I heard my phone ding. I grabbed it from the nightstand and opened it to my texts. It wasn’t a saved number.Weird.

Everything has a way of working out exactly as it is meantto.

That’s fucking weird. Who the hell? I waited for more. Wrong number maybe? I replied asking who it was and I waited a few minutes. Nothing.Okay, Delilah, it’s not a big deal. Probably just a wrong number and they were too embarrassed to respond.I couldn’t help but think the message sounded all too much like something someone would say to me, given my current circumstances. What an oddoccurrence.

That night, I tossed and turned for a while before I finally fell asleep. I dreamt of a stark white hospital room with no windows and no doors. There was an exam table in the center of the room and a balled-up hospital gown on the floor beside it. The gown was covered in blood. I woke upcrying.

Chapter Four

Jeff threw openthe door to the emergency room and helped me in. I was cupping my stomach and screaming in pain. The nurse abandoned her station to run over to me with a wheelchair. They eased me down into it, but not before she noticed the blood trickling down my legs. She immediately took me to the third floor, the maternity ward. Any emergency that involved a pregnant woman was dealt withthere.

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