Page 30 of For Now

“Geraldine?”

“Not even close,” Isaid.

“Okay, okay. How about Anne?” heasked.

“Hmm, Anne. I like that!” I said. We would have to see if it stuck. If I had learned one thing, it was that I had a tendency to change my mind several times before I settled on a final decision. I thought it had something to do with being pregnant but I hadn’t figured out why it did that to you justyet.

Jeff smiled in silent agreement. It was settled. I walked a few steps over to the next rack and a man barreled through the aisle, bumping into me. I put my hand over my belly instinctively. Before I could say anything, Jeff barged over and shoved theguy.

“Hey, man, watch where the fuck you’re walking!” Jeffsnapped.

“Dude, calm down, it was an accident,” the guysaid.

“I don’t give a shit, don’t fucking touch my wife. Do you hear me?” Jeffpersisted.

“Okay, relax, man. I’m sorry.” The guy backed away slowly, handsup.

“Jeff, it’s okay, it’s not a big deal,” I said. I touched his armgently.

He whirled around at me. His eyes were dark. I didn’t understand what was happening, why he was acting so crazy. I’d never seen him like that before.Ever.

“Are you okay?” hebarked.

“Yes, I’m fine. How about we go?” Isaid.

Jeff started toward the exit silently, boiling under his skin. He got to the car, ripped the door open, slid in, and slammed it behind him. I got into the car slowly,deliberately.

He didn’t start the car immediately. He just sat there for a moment. “Our little girl is everything to me,” he said, staring out the windshieldblankly.

“I know…” Istarted.

“Let me finish,” hesaid.

Ipaused.

“She is everything to me. And I will do anything for her. Anything. You don’t understand what it means to me. What this means to me. And no one is going to take that away from me. No one. Do you understand?” he said, staring into my eyes with a ferocity I had neverseen.

I shook my head up anddown.

Little did I know I’d be the person that took her away from him. Little did I know I’d be the person he blamed for all ofit.

Chapter Twenty-One

Jeff was standingin my doorway. Just standing there, staring at me as I stared back at him.What thefuck?

“You look surprised to see me,” he said,smiling.

His voice was fuzzy and my head was spinning. It seemed like everything was in slow motion. I hadn’t seen him in so long. I wasn’t even sure I believed he was standing here now. Maybe this was a dream I was going to wake up from. Twenty seconds or two hours passed and I saidnothing.

“Are you going to invite me in?” heasked.

I kept standing here, mouth slightly open. I’m not even sure I was in possession of my own faculties as I pulled the door open wider, letting him walk past me to thecouch.

Jeff looked around as he entered the living room and sat down. I stayed at the door staring out into the driveway and beyond. He was alone. I closed the door slowly, wondering if I should close it at all, or if I should keep it open, just incase.

“You’ve put yourself a nice little place together here,Lil.”

He always called me Lil and I always hated it. Hearing it now made me cringe. I stayed a steady distance away from him, standing guard of my own body, hands balled into fists at my sides. “What do you want?” I askedrigidly.

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