Page 21 of For Now

I dropped my mug onto the hardwood floor and barely heard it shatter. I stood there not knowing what to do or say or think. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. I could feel anger beginning to rise in mythroat.

“And what makes her so goddamn special, huh?! What makes her so amazing that you just threw away our entire marriage for her?! Do you know, do you even realize what you put me through? What I let you do to me? Does any of that even count for anything?!” Iscreamed.

Jeff was standing there with his mouth gaped open in shock but for what I didn’t know. None of this should’ve been shocking to him. None of this should have even felt a little surprising. He was a coward of a man and I didn’t know why it took me so long to realizeit.

“Look, I know the last little bit of our marriage was a little rough,but…”

“A little rough?! A LITTLE ROUGH?! You think that was just alittlerough? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Jeff. You know what, yeah, here, take your goddamn ring. Put it on her hand. Make it mean more than it meant on mine. Now get out!” I yelled. I threw the ring straight at his chest, my nostrils flaring, my hands clenched into fists to keep myself from throwing every object around me that Icould.

Jeff slipped the ring into his front pocket, turned on his heel, and walked out without saying aword.

The next time I saw him was in court for the divorce proceedings. He hired someone to come get the rest of his things and all of our communication after that day was through lawyers. It became a terrible game of telephone. After he left that day with my ring for someone else’s hand, all the sadness I had felt was gone, all the time spent questioning his leaving was over. I no longer wished he’d stayed. I no longer wished everything was back the way itwas.

That day, he left. And I was free. Free from so manythings.

Chapter Fourteen

Ihad avoidedSamuel for the last two weeks and I intended to keep it that way moving forward. He got too close and I needed to pull back and put a stop to it. I didn’t want to confuse him or lead him on. I didn’t want love or anything that came close to it either. I took a different walking route in the neighborhood, avoided the gym and the café. Anywhere I knew he might be, I didn’t go. He must’ve been busy because despite knowing where I lived, he didn’t attempt to stop by. He only called twice but I let them go to voicemail and didn’t return either call. I settled into thinking he got the point. Until Fridaynight.

I answered a knock on the door at 6:33 p.m. and there he was with fresh dahlias and one of those plastic bags with a smiley face on the side synonymous with only one type of take-outfood.

“Hi, I have Chinese and I feel like that’s an acceptable reason to invite me in,” he said,smiling.

“What are you doing here?” Iasked.

“I’m going to feed you,” hesaid.

“Look, I think you have the wrong idea,” I said as I opened the door a little wider so he could come in. He started toward the kitchen with the food that admittedly smelledheavenly.

“What do you mean?” heasked.

I followed him to the kitchen and sat opposite him at thebar.

“I just think you need to understand that I’m not looking to get involved with anyone. I’m freshly divorced, I just moved here, I have a lot going on inside my own head and that’s really no good for anyone.” Iexhaled.

“I see. Is it so bad that I enjoy your company?” heasked.

“Well, no,but…”

“But nothing. That’s all this has to be. Do you enjoy my company?” heasked.

“Well, yes,but…”

“Good then. It’s settled. We can befriends.”

“Umm, okay. Friends. Just friends,” Ideclared.

“Right,” he said as he handed me wonton soup. “I opted to get you the soup instead of the egg roll. It was a gamble I know but I rolled thedice.”

“That’s perfect. I don’t like egg rolls,” I said. It was unsettling how well he seemed to know me. Then again, perhaps it was just the many years of someone not being all that concerned about what I liked or knowing me at all. Looking back, I realized in the entire eight years we were together, Jeff never really asked what I liked or what I wanted. It was always what he liked and that was it. It was sort of sad that it only took me a couple of days with this guy to realize that. For crying out loud, he’d done more for me and been more considerate of me in these few days than Jeff had in all of our years together. That was terrifying tome.

We sat here eating, talking, and laughing for the next hour and then I got out some wine and we moved to thecouch.

“Here,” he said, handing me one of the two fortunecookies.

“Oh, no, I can’t. There’s only one for me. I can’t do that,” Isaid.

“What do you mean?” Helaughed.

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