Page 8 of Daddy's Mail Order Mate

Damn her for trying to pull on my heartstrings and worry about imaginary strangers who might need my help.

“And where am I supposed to find the time and energy to bother with this app?”

She perks straight up and beams.

“You don’t have to.”

I stare expectantly at her.

“Duh, I’ll take care of it for you! I’ll take care of as much as you’d like. I can just set it up for you, or even talk to matches and help find someone that’ll be a nice fit for you. If you’re alright with it, all you’d have to do is just be ready for me to tell you about her and wait for her to show up!”

“You’re serious.”

“Absolutely I am!”

We sit in silence for a few long moments. From the other room, I hear Rowan make some happy noises in reply to Lily’s precocious rambling.

Maybe it’s the jetlag, the exhaustion, or the pile of twenty bodies I left behind me this time. But the thought of having someone always there to look after him resonates through me with a deep ache.

I’ve given up so much already for Rowan. And he was worth every sacrifice. I couldn’t burden Paige any more than necessary with the consequences of my own actions, but… What if there was someone out there who would be happy to be his mother? Someone who needed the chance to have a family, a life safer and better than the one life had dealt to her? I could care less about her feelings towards me, so long as it was civil. Love was something I would never have space for, and in my most solitary moments, something I truly believed I didn’t deserve to have.

I’d lost my chance a long time ago. I even shot it between the eyes. The boy I was had his choices laid out before him, and love wasn’t able to survive what needed to be done.

I swallow thickly, burying away the traces of memory that stir on the edges of my subconscious. Those stay deeply buried for many good reasons.

“Thorn,” Paige says softly, her hand outstretched across the table. She learned a long time ago not to touch me when I was in my own thoughts. Blinking back into the present, there’s a delay before I place my hand on top of hers and hum quietly for her to go on.

“You could help someone like me. Someone who has it even worse, maybe. And I’ll make sure as much as possible that she’s a good fit and safe for you and the baby. You two can come and do the trial here, even. But if not, that’s okay too. I just think it’d be worth the effort to give this a try.”

But then my thoughts turn towards the prospect of having a stranger in my space, around Rowan…

My expression twitches towards a scowl.

“Oh, don’t get that grumpy look on your face already. Please, Thorn. Trust me. If this doesn’t work, I promise I’ll stop bothering you about it,” she urges, lifting my hand up to try and get my attention locked back on her.

I grunt in mild displeasure, but when I look back up to her face, the pleading expression puts another chink in my armor.

“... Goddamn it Paige.”

“Language!”

“Sorry.”

We both linger in a long silence and seem to simultaneously savor the sound of our children giggling to themselves echoing through the house. Our gazes wander over to them, seeing the pair entertaining themselves with their toys, blissful as could be.

“Should eat breakfast before it gets completely cold,” I remark after a minute or two.

“Yeah, I guess so. I can heat everything back up if you’d like.”

“No need.”

I take my hand back and gather up my utensils to start working my way through the plate in front of me.

“So… Can I do this for you Thorn?”

With a heavy sigh, I lower my arms and look back up to her with a steady resignation.

“... Alright. But a deal’s a deal. I try this once, and if it doesn’t work, that’s the end of it. Understood?”

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