Page 46 of Daddy's Mail Order Mate

Lucas beams ear to ear; despite how huge he is, there is a boyish quality to the expression that reminds me that he's still heryoungerbrother.

“Yeah!! Perfect. Okay, well,” he enthuses brightly. He looks a bit more sourly at me when he remembers to acknowledge me, but it’s not enough to dampen his excitement from his sister obliging him. I guess he probably thinks she might be coming back around on the whole pack idea. But I know that she must just be trying to have an excuse to get away from me.

And who am I to keep her from what she wants?

I nod towards him, glance once at her, then silently stalk off.

From behind me I hear Lucas scoff derisively.

“So tell me sis: does the stick go all the way up to his brain, or is it just up his ass?”

I take a little bit of satisfaction in hearing the surly bristle of her voice when she replies, challenging him for insulting me.

“Do you want to give me the tour, or not?”

“Okay, okay—this way.”

I walk for a bit just by riled reflex, but eventually remember myself. It doesn't help that I can feel my cock still idly waiting for the chance to spring to action, as though Gwen might just traipse back into view, wet and ready for me.

Maybe I should go and handle myself discreetly, just to try and quell this bullshit baseline I was apparently stuck in. Fuck, I’d really been playing with fire, and now I was certainly burning away.

And now for the hundredth time, it echoes in my mind.

‘Mate.’

I grumble in frustration and glance around to make sure no one is watching before I reach under my waistband to readjust myself. That memory feels branded into my soul, and I can feel my inner wolf circling hungrily around the thought of it.

The mate bond. I know it's still buried in me, like all the other traces of myself I've had to dig graves for in my heart.

But I can't give in to it. I've hurt her far too much and would hurt her even more. There is no happiness I can provide her that would make up for it, and I know deep down that I will never make her happy or give her the life she more than deserves.

All I would do is hurt her. That is all I can do to other people: hurt them. I’ve barely managed to keep my ledgers in the black with Paige, and that was with a lifetime of effort and imperfect performance as her brother.

But before everything can come bursting to the surface, I smother it all away in stoic silence.

There are things I can never go back to. There are things I can never think about again.

All I can do is keep going forward. For the longest time, that was for Paige and Paige alone. But I have Rowan now.

An ache shoots up through me, and I immediately start walking to go find my sister and get my boy back. I have to be present for Rowan. I have to bestrongfor Rowan.

Doubt curls like acid in the corners of my mind.

Can I really protect anyone?

I don't answer myself. Instead, I try to think about what sort of state Rowan might be in at this time of day and try to load up my mental queue for taking care of him. Before anything else, I want to be a good father.

It'd be nice to be good at something that wasn't hurting others.

Chapter 13 - Gwen

I've had to be cooped up in a car a decent bit these days. But despite the fact I'm not in the driver's seat, I think this might be my most uncomfortable drive yet.

Rowan gently dozes in his car seat next to me in the back of Thorn's SUV—honestly, I wish he'd wake back up so I’d have something to properly distract myself with. I tried using my phone to keep myself preoccupied, but the emails from the job search websites I'd signed up for just made me evenmorenerved up.

So instead I've just been keeping to myself and fighting for dear life to not steal glances at Thorn.

Ever since our little experiment to try and help me shift yesterday, I've been…

---