Page 30 of Devil's Queen

“I guess my goal of not making this weird just fucking went out the window.”

“Yup,” I answer him with a pop.

Rex leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. His expression is a mix of vulnerability and determination. I can see the conflict in his eyes as he searches for the right words to say. “Can we forget I said that?”

“Not sure I can,” I admit.

“Rem, I know we’ve had our share of ups and downs, and I’m not going to pretend everything is magically fixed now. But being here, with you, all those old feelings come rushing back. I apologize if that makes dinner weird for you.”

I want to admit that deep down, a part of me misses him, but I can’t. My heart pounds against my chest as his words sink in, and the intensity of his gaze makes it hard to breathe.

Our server comes to take our order. Rex orders the shrimp and grits while I order the crawfish étouffée. She walks away, and Rex resumes our conversation before she’s even out of earshot.

“Say something,” he beckons.

“What is there to say that I haven’t said already?”

“There’s a lot to say. Eight years’ worth of things that need to be said. I’m staring at the beautiful woman across the table from me and barely recognize you.”

“I’m not the same girl I was back then, and you’re not the same person either. We’ve both had to grow up.”

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. Eight years of history and unresolved emotions sit heavy between us, and as much as I want to pretend that tonight is just dinner, I know deep down it’s more than that. The flickering candlelight casts dancing shadows across the table, mirroring the uncertainty in my mind.

“You’re right.” He nods, his gaze unwavering. “We’re different, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. I understand if you’re not ready for this, but I am. I want to put this shit to bed between us.”

The way he says it makes it seem so simple just to turn back the clock and make things so easy between us again. But real life doesn’t work that way. Time doesn’t stop for anyone.

Our eyes lock, and it feels as if time has frozen around us for a moment. But I can’t let myself get lost in the intensity of his gaze again. We’ve been down this road too many times before.

“I didn’t expect any of this tonight,” he continues, his words filled with regret. “I didn’t expect to see you again after all these years, and I certainly didn’t intend to drop a bomb like that.”

I bite my lip, the taste of nostalgia flooding my senses. It’s true we had our fair share of ups and downs when we were together. We were young, foolish, and searching for ourselves in all the wrong places.

“I remember how we used to dream about the future,” he says softly, his voice betraying a hint of longing. “And now here we are, face to face once more.”

A part of me wants to give in to those memories and wrap myself up in the warmth of what we once had. But another part, stronger and wiser, reminds me of the pain we caused each other.

Our server returns with our meals. The smell of my etouffee wafting up from the table nearly makes me drool. There’s something about the aroma of the warm spices and local crawfish that settles a piece of my soul. I guess that’s why they call it soul food.

“Rex,” I say gently, reaching to rest my hand on his. “We need to be honest with ourselves. We may have shared beautiful moments together, but we also deeply hurt each other. We can’t ignore that.”

He nods, his expression filled with a mix of remorse and understanding. “You’re right, Rem. We can’t erase the past or pretend it didn’t happen.”

“I don’t want to go through that pain again. We owe it to ourselves to find happiness separately.”

A flicker of disappointment flashes across Rex’s face, but he quickly composes himself, his gaze turning determined. “I understand where you’re coming from, Rem. But can you honestly say that you’re completely happy without me? That there isn’t even a small part of you that wonders what could have been?”

His words strike a chord within me, causing a familiar ache in my chest. Memories of the love we once shared flood my mind, making it difficult to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.

“Of course, there’s a part of me that wonders,” I admit, struggling to keep my voice steady. “But we have to remember why things ended in the first place.”

Rex’s eyes search mine desperately as if pleading for another chance, for a way to rewrite our history.

“You made that choice for us, so I had to make a choice for myself. We can’t erase the mistakes we made or the pain we caused each other. And as much as I want to believe that things could be different, I can’t ignore the reality of our history. We’re on opposite sides of the line now. You can’t honestly believe the Zulu Kings would be okay with you even being here with me. You not wearing your cut is proof enough of the answer.”

His grip on my hand tightens, his knuckles turning white, revealing the turmoil raging within him. “I could say the same for yourself. I never expected forgiveness to come easily,” he admits with a heavy sigh. “But I had hoped that maybe there was still a chance for us.”

I give him a sad smile, my heart aching at the regret in his voice. “Maybe there was once a chance. But we’re different people now, living our own separate lives.”

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