Page 24 of Absolution

In hindsight, letting her drive off after the incident at the diner wasn’t my best idea. Hell, it didn’t even register on the top one hundred good ideas list. I knew watching her drive away that she was pissed, and I needed to leave her alone, but at the same time, her call was blaring for me to track her down. I leaned against my bike for nearly twenty minutes in an internal battle with myself about whether or not to go after her, before I finally made my decision. In her state of mind, she could be dangerous to herself as well as others on the road. When Ricca lets her anger and fear get the best of her, she has been known to lash out at innocent people around her. Myself included. It was better for me to become the asshole once again, than to watch her fall apart after fucking her life up again.

For once, my brain had a good fucking idea because as soon as I saw her truck pulled off to the side of the road, my heart started to race. I’d have patted myself on my back, but I could feel the pain she was in.

She didn’t even budge as I approached the truck, but her reaction told me it all. She was scared and frustrated. Something else had happened in the time since she left the dinner. I tried to keep myself in check, but the line of questioning poured out of me like I didn’t know how to shut the fuck up. I could see her pain and frustration with every lie that came from her mouth, until I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to feel her lips on mine.

I don’t know why I did it, but having her leaning against my chest right now felt right. For the first time since I road into this tiny ass town, she let me in. Well, I shoved myself in, but she didn’t kick my ass back out again. This was the kind of moment I needed to embrace, before her walls came hurdling back up again and effectively locking me outside in the cold. It was a win that I was proud to claim in my column.

She nuzzles against me as I start to feel my shirt become wet and notice her quiet sobs.

Tears.

That’s not exactly the reaction I expected after such a fucking good kiss, but with her, I’ll take her tears instead of her running away from me again. The dark side of me wanted to taste her tears, while a tiny part of me wanted to actually be a decent human being and comfort her. It’s fucked up, but what else is new for me.

“You okay, Siren?” I whisper against her ear. Her body instantly tenses again.

So much for relaxed. Why do I feel like she is about to shut me out all over again?

“I’m fine,” she sobs, pushing away from my chest and wiping her tear-stained face. “Listen, Ratchet—.”

I place my fingers on her lips, hushing her. She’s about to tell me some reason why this can’t work. Another lie. Her reaction from the kiss tells me she wants me, but her heart or mind is resisting the idea. Her eyes widen, when I hush her again.

“Unless you’re telling me to stay, I don’t want to hear it. I know that kiss changes nothing, but I’d like just one more good moment with you, before it all goes to hell again.”

She blinks without saying a word.

“I know you have your reasons for being here, but you owe me the truth. The whole truth, Ricca. Not some sugarcoated fucking lie. And until you can give me that, I am willing to wait.”

I watch as Ricca’s body shivers in response to mine, while she hopefully processes what I just said. I waited six months for this woman. A few more days wouldn’t kill me or so I hoped.

“Just tell me you’ll think about letting me in, Siren. I did ride all this way out here to see you,” I say to her, running my thumb across her cheek as a stray tear slides down. She smiles at my joke. A genuine smile that doesn’t hold back pain and misery behind her swollen, just kissed lips.

“I did lie to you,” she starts before hesitating. “And I’m sorry for that, but I need space and time, Ratchet.”

I consider her words internally before answering. One wrong phrase and I would be putting this all at risk because I hurt her.

Think of a solution, fucker. Equal ground. No ultimatums.

“I can live with the time, but the space is a hard no.” I demand, squeezing her closer. “I want nothing between us. Not even air should be able to slip between my grasp of you.”

Congratulations, shit head. You just broke the no ultimatums rule.

She gulps and blushes at my terms. Her attempt at holding me at arm’s length ends today. I may be dealing her a hand that she may not be willing to play just yet, but space isn’t going to make her lay it all down on the table and bet against me.

“Is this about your mom?”

“I thought you said you wouldn’t pry,” she rebukes, shoving my own words back at me.

“I said I was willing to wait, Siren. I didn’t say a damn thing about not asking questions.”

She huffs and uses her hands to put space between us.

“Do you actually think I am here to mourn that cunt of a woman?” she sharply declares. “I’m happy she’s gone.”

I must have hit a nerve. While I do admit to a bit of curiosity about the relationship with her mother, that’s not exactly what I am here to find out. The sheer fact that she called her mother a cunt was a big enough clue to tell me she hated the woman. A suspicion I had from the very beginning. With everything that she had gone through over the years, you would have thought that she would have clung to a familial connection had there been a good relationship there to bring her peace. Yet, she didn’t. She stayed with the club who saved her and with me. Maybe I was just a source of protection for her, but I felt more between us.

“And what the fuck does that mean exactly?”

She fidgets in her seat trying to stall me, but it doesn’t work. My eye is on my prize, and she won’t be able to wiggle away that easily when I am so close to getting my answers.

---