Page 48 of Absolution

“How can they do a home study if we don’t have a fucking home, Ratchet?”

“My answer didn’t change from the last time you asked, Ricca. It’s taken care of,” He responds in a monotone voice. For days, I have grilled him about how this is all going to work.

“And you repeating the same damn answer isn’t helping me one bit,” I snap back at him. He fucking laughs in return.

“It’s not funny, asshole.”

“Actually Siren, it is a little funny. The house inspection is only a part of the study. They’ll interview our friends and family; check our finances, and our references.”

I roll my eyes at him. How can he be so relaxed about this? We are about to invite a complete strangers into our lives, and have them analysis every single thing about it. Where we live, which he says he has under control, and all the people in it. Who would recommend us as the references, to parent Asher? Voodoo? Hero? They’d laugh us right out of the courthouse. Our residence is a biker clubhouse filled with club whores and booze. Those two things alone would cement us in the never going to fucking happen category.

Plus, how does he know all of this crap? He’s like the walking encyclopedia of adoption. For every question, he has an answer. It’s suspicious.

“And we have all those things?”

Ratchet smiles back, as he turns left onto the highway. I know that I didn’t agree to this marriage at the beginning, but this laughing bullshit is about to be nipped in the bud. I wonder if he has life insurance.

“Stop thinking whatever you are thinking right now,” he demands. “I can see those evil wheels turning, and I don’t like that look one bit.”

“Get out of my brain,” I tease him.

“I know you’re nervous, but like I keep telling you, everything is covered. You’re going to get your ass on that plane and get things taken care of, while I’m on Asher watch.”

The thought of flying for the first time alone is nerve-wrecking enough, but with everything else compounded in with it, I am on the brink of exploding in a mess of crazy. It was a miracle that we got a home study scheduled so quickly. Apparently, Darcy had a connection in the local child welfare group, and used it to our advantage. I don’t know what strings that she had to pull, but we owe her big time.

“Fine, but you don’t miss a day of seeing him at school. I want updates.”

“Yes, boss,” he mimics me. Ratchet changes lanes like a mad man on the road, not caring about the people driving around us. Louisville may be one of the largest cities in this state, but they sure don’t drive like we do in California. Traffic lights and lines on the road are merely suggestions that hardly any of us follow. A woman speeds by us in the slow lane, flipping Ratchet off in the process.

“I think she likes you,” I snort.

He changes lanes a few more times, before the signs for the airport come into view. The dark skies remind me of just how early we had to get up this morning, and after working another night shift at Willie’s, I am completely drained. My only hope of sleeping was on the plane because as soon as I land, I want to hit the ground running. The quicker I get this done, the sooner I get back. Without having a return date in stone, we haven’t been able to set up our visitation with Asher, and I don’t want to delay it a second longer.

From the moment he decided that it would be me going out to meet the home study coordinator, I began to worry about leaving Asher behind. My father’s threats were clear as crystal, and I ignored them. I waivered last night and nearly told Ratchet of his existence in Asher’s life and his threats, but he would kill him and then me, for hiding it from him. As long as I could get away without telling him, the better off I would be. This would be the last lie I would ever tell him because the wedge it’s driven between us, is suffocating me from the inside out.

“Why do planes have to leave so early in the morning?” I complain. “Why can’t they leave at a more reasonable hour? Like Noon.”

“They do leave at noon, but you said you didn’t want to waste a day trying to adjust to the time zone change. No rest for the wicked, Siren.”

My eyes narrow at his continuous string of digs at this entire escapade. His chipper attitude at this time of morning was already annoying me the moment we left the trailer, but the steady stream of jokes and jabs are wearing my patience thin.

“We’re here,” he announces as it appears in front of us. The glass dome sparkles in the reflection of the terminal lights, but the entire place is much quieter than I expected for a Wednesday morning. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and when I look down, I see the alarm I had set to get up to be at the airport. Son of a bitch. We’re over three hours early for my seven forty-five flight.

“Are you kidding me right now?” I bellow. “Ratchet, we’re way too damn early for this flight. The check-in counter probably isn’t even open yet.”

Ratchet realizes I’m right, and smirks. He eyes the parking lot signs, and sharply turns off to the right onto the exit ramp, away from the departure terminal sidewalk. We twist and turn in the parking garage, until he eyes a spot on the very top level and pulls in.

“Could you have gone any higher up?” I complain. “There’s hardly any one here.”

“I know,” he notes with a knowing smile forming on his face. “Seems like the perfect place to give you a proper goodbye.”

“Here? Are you kidding me right now? We’d be arrested for public indecency if they caught us. You’re crazy,” I mock him.

His grin doesn’t change.

“Get over here Siren,” he demands. “I want to tell my wife goodbye, and I will not take no for an answer.”

I consider his proposition, and I have to admit the thought of it turns me on a little bit. It seems so juvenile, but at the same time, it feels so forbidden. It is also something that I have never done before. Most people lose their virginities in their first car on an old country road, while they pray someone doesn’t drive by and see them. But not me. My sexual awakening was a completely different nature, and this is a chance to do something normal couples would do. Maybe he isn’t crazy.

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