Page 45 of Absolution

From the moment that I saw her round the corner of Willie’s, I knew something was wrong. She tried to play it off as exhaustion or nerves about tomorrow, but her eyes told a different story. The light that I had grown accustomed to seeing over the last few weeks was all but gone. They were lifeless. No flicker. No flash. Just empty glassy pools. I tried to talk to her about it after we got home, but she made excuse after excuse again. I’ve seen her exhausted. I’ve seen her at the highest point of her anxiety. This was none of those things. Every inch of me is on alert, as she remains silent.

I hate silence, and I hate that she won’t open up to me. Her shutting me out will do nothing to alleviate her distress, and it only stresses me out more. Ricca has never been a quiet woman, and the awkward silence between us is deafening.

“You sure you’re okay,” I plea as she slips into bed beside me.”

She slowly brushes her long hair before tying it up into a loose bun, completely ignoring my concern.

“Okay then,” I mutter. “Good talk.”

Ricca clicks off the bedside light, pulling the blanket up her nearly naked legs. The darkness of the room feels like a noose around my neck, and the woman next to me feels like a stranger. Is this how she felt when I carried her into the clubhouse and into my room? She shifts over and over again, before huffing an exasperated sigh and throws her hands over the top of the blankets.

“I’m scared,” she whispers into the darkness. I shift to my side, and stroke her arm in a soothing motion.

“You don’t have to be scared, Siren. I’m right here, and I will protect you and Asher, until the end of the Earth.”

The gleam of a tear streaking down her face reflects in the moonlight, peeking through the bedroom window. A second one falls from her other eye, before a full stream of them begin to cascade down her face.

Reaching over her body, I pull her into my chest. Her face nestles against my breastbone as she sobs uncontrollably.

“Shh,” I whisper, against the top of her head, before I plant a chaste kiss to the top of her. She pops her chin up, and gazes up at me.

“What if he doesn’t like me? Us? What do we do then?”

I chuckle at her, and she stares back in confusion.

“Is that what you are worried about?”

She mutters a soft yes, before burying her head back against my chest.

“You aren’t your mother, and you are the only person in the world who understands the hell he’s gone through. It may be weird at first, but with time, you’ll heal those wounds left by her.”

Ricca told me the dirty details of her life with her mother, one night after work. Just as we had settled into bed, she started to have one of her nightmares. I held her for hours as she poured her heart out to me about her childhood. I lulled her back to sleep, but I couldn’t sleep after that. I lay there thinking of how her mother used her body for currency and gifts, and it sickened me. It takes a lot for someone to shock me, and knowing that she survived that piss poor upbringing, gave me hope that nothing else in the world could stop her from outliving us all. She was much stronger than she realized, and I would make her see that in time.

“You think so?” she questions, wiping her tears against my naked chest, before looking back up at me.

“Yes, I am. When someone has the same life experiences as you do, there’s this bond between you. It’s like a kindred spirit kind of thing. Just like the two of us. Neither of us has had the greatest lives, but look at us now. We’re together, and still breathing.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she agrees.

“I know I’m right.”

“What if I do end up like her?” she sheepishly asks.

“You won’t,” I assure her. “You’ve come too far to ever be like her. Besides if you do, I’ll rescue you like I did before.”

She smiles, and playfully punches me in the stomach.

“You just think you walk on water, don’t you?” she teases, with a flicker of her light refilling her eyes again.

“As long as I have you, I can do anything. Even walk on water.”

“You’re so full of shit that you might just float.”

She begins to giggle, and the sound of her happiness again makes me laugh. Her smile beams brighter than the moon, and since we came home, she finally feels at ease.

“I love you,” I whisper against her lips, before I lay a kiss on them.

“I love you,” she replies. The silence of the room settles around us, and not long after, her breaths become shallow. I hold her while she sleeps, and finally allow the darkness to take me under.

---