Page 30 of For the Love of the Bull Rider

Matt closed the lid on the grill and turned in Tim’s arms, resting his forearms on Tim’s shoulders and leaning forward to kiss Tim’s forehead, nose, and finally, lips. It was like the breath of life had been breathed into Tim.

Pulling Matt closer, Tim tightened his grip on the man to enjoy the closeness while he could. Letting both of them go would kill Tim, but it wasn’t really about him. It was about the little cowboy in the kitchen making a salad. It was all about Ryan Earl Collins and the father who loved him.

Chapter Twelve

“Where’s our book?” It was later that night as Tim sat on the side of Ryan’s bed.

Since he’d started spending more time at the Circle C, Tim and Ryan had gotten into the habit of the boy reading to Tim before bed. Ryan had little problem with reading multisyllabic words because he’d sound them out, much to Tim’s surprise, butsometimes he had to explain the meanings because they were reading mystery chapter books for adolescents.

Ryan had an incredible imagination when it came to the stories the pair read, and they made a habit of only reading one chapter on school nights so they could talk about them a little before it was time for Ryan to go to sleep. For Tim, it was wonderful. It was like they had their own private book club.

“Can we just talk tonight? I have some questions I don’t wanna ask Daddy, but I knowyou’lltell me the truth, Timmy. We’re friends, right?” Ryan’s face was so sincere, how could Tim say no. They were friends and more, in Tim’s mind.

“You and Daddy kiss like Gramma and Papa, right? Is it okay for boys to kiss boys?”

Damn! I never saw that coming.The two men had thought they were being discreet, but apparently, they were only fooling themselves because they sure weren’t fooling Ryan!

Tim squeezed Ryan’s leg as he stood from the bed to step into the hallway. “Matthew!”

Tim waited a second before hearing the squeak of the desk chair which meant Matt was coming to Ryan’s room from his office. Tim stepped back inside and sat in his usual spot. “When did you see your dad and me kiss?”

“I see’d it the night we went to Mexican. I woke up when we was at the Katydid and you two were on the front porch smoochy-smoochy. When I asked Papa ‘bout it, he laughed and said to ask Daddy. Then, I saw ya smoochin’ and huggin’ in the barn a bunch a times. I wasn’t sneakin’ around… honest.” Ryan fidgeted with his hands, looking very nervous.

Tim smiled and placed his hands atop Ryans’ hoping to reassure him it was fine that he had questions. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Ryan. We should have paid better attention to who was around. So, um, you know how you have friends at school? Tommy Morrow?”

Ryan nodded in agreement, so Tim continued. “Well, your dad and I are friends, but we’respecialfriends who like to hug and kiss sometimes. Um, there are men and women who are special friends, and there are women and women who are special friends, and there are men and men who are special friends. My Aunt Katie and Uncle Josh were special friends a long time ago, and they decided they loved each other enough to get married and be together for the rest of their lives.” Tim was sure he was making a horrible mess of the whole thing.

Matt’s soft footfalls alerted Tim to his presence before the man’s large hand landed on Tim’s shoulder as Matt sat behind him. “What’s the topic of discussion tonight?” Matt rested his other hand on Ryan’s blanket-covered leg.

“We’re talking aboutspecialfriends. You know, like you and me. Ryan asked about us kissing. Apparently, we’re not as crafty as we thought.” Tim glanced over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow, smirking at the surprise on Matt’s face at having been caught.

After a second, Matt leaned forward and kissed Tim’s cheek, pulling away with a huge grin before turning to his son. “Does it bother you that Tim and I are special friends?”

The boy sat up and leaned forward to whisper. “Does that mean you’re fags?” Tim felt his stomach drop to his feet at the mention of the word.

Matt’s body tensed at hearing the ugly word, one Tim had heard too many times in his life. Matt started to move away, but Tim grabbed the hand that was resting on his shoulder and held it to keep Matt where he sat.

“Ryan, where’d you hear that word?” Tim approached the matter gently, knowing the boy had no idea how disgusting and painful the term was.

Based on Ryan’s expression, he’d figured out quickly the word wasn’t a term of endearment. Tim was pretty sure Ryan hadno idea why…exactly. “It’s a bad word, isn’t it?” the sweet boy whispered.

Tim squeezed Matt’s hand again and turned to him. “We can let it go and wait it out if you’re not sure about us. If you are, then we owe him the explanation. Why don’t you get us some water and think about it?”

With all the shit Matt was facing regarding a custody fight with Mona, it was his right to keep Ryan in the dark about his sexuality. The boy had turned seven in the summer, and Matt had said he thought Ryan was still too young to explain the facts of life to him.

That was why Tim had tried to offer a vague explanation regarding the kissing. He wasn’t sure, but Tim thought maybe it was better to give Ryan more information than it was to try to shield him from the truth.

Matt cleared his throat and reached for Ryan’s busy hands to still them again. “It’s not a cuss word, bud. It’s a mean word ugly people use to talk about stuff they don’t understand. See, I love Timmy like Papa Marty loves Gramma Jeri. When I see him come into the house, or the office, or even the barn, it makes my heart happy like we talked about before, which is why I kiss him. I want him to live here with us, and if he ever agrees, he’ll sleep in my room with me, not in the guest room where Gramma sleeps when she stays over sometimes.”

Ryan lay back down, though Tim could tell he was still listening. Thankfully, Matt continued.

“Love is different for everybody. Sometimes, boys love boys or girls love girls, but that don’t make it wrong, okay? It just makes it different, which isn’t a bad thing. Not everybody agrees it’s okay, which is why people use words like fag or faggot. It’s not nice to use those words because you could hurt someone’s feelings if you say them, and I know you’d never do that on purpose.”

Tim believed the explanation was eloquent, and in that moment, he couldn’t have loved the bull rider more. His heart was ready to explode with all the love inside it for Matthew Collins.

“You mean like when Brian James said Momma was a slut that time?”

Tim was stunned by Ryan’s comment, but when he looked at Matt, the man winked. “Exactly. Brian James heard that from his Uncle Keith because your momma used to date him when she was in high school before we met. It was a mean thing for Brian to say, but I guess when Keith and your momma broke up, Keith might have been mad and called your momma names. You know how mean kids can be when they’re mad? Well, adults can be even worse.” Matt patted the boy’s leg and gave it a little squeeze.

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