Page 157 of Ruthless Kings of Havoc

That the sleeping Maiden isn’t the one I used to adore watching cry, thanks to all the shit I put her through. That was the thing, though.

She endured it all.

Took every challenge I threw in her face.

No matter the scars. The madness. The constant scrutiny I put her through all because I couldn’t think of being loved by a woman so pure and innocent.

I tainted her.

Ruined her…

And when I finally thought she’d be in my grasp for the rest of our lives.

She decided to deliver the best revenge.

Killing herself…

That’s why I started to drown myself in this role. To run away from the madness. To give up on the idea of being the Ruthless King who regained his Empire and doesn’t need his father’s handout.

All to be fooled and plagued with this level of guilt I can never get rid of.

It drives me insane.

Being able to look at this sleeping woman, yet so easily mix her up with the woman I pushed past the edge.

To her own demise.

Long silver hair. Beautiful blue eyes. A fierce radiance of a fighter who wouldn’t let down when provoked.

Could it be my purpose in protecting V was to appease the constant ache of not protecting Iris?

“Why?” I don’t get any of it. “Why couldn’t I protect you like I do now? Why the fuck didn’t you meet me when I was tamed and not a fucking psycho? You’d be alive now, wouldn’t you? Here to fight with me any chance you get.”

It’s like I’m talking to her sleeping figure, and it’s easy to blend between the past and reality.

It’s so easy to fall prey to the madness in my mind.

I want to pull myself out of it, but for a few seconds, I allow myself to prey on my heart’s desires. To lay my lips on this sleeping beauty, wishing she’d wake and riddle me with insults and burden misery.

Just so I can kiss her senselessly and fuck her until she screams in ecstasy at how much she despises me.

All of it is madness.

A madness that spiraled back since being forced to balance these two roles.

For being a stubborn fool and thinking I have the mentality ability to grasp both sets of reigns and do them to perfection.

Now, all I’ve been dealing with is a lack of sleep, hallucinations, and impulsive thoughts.

This needs to end…

“I don’t think I can love another like I did you, Iris,” I admit, struggling not to get emotional, yet feeling the tear that trends down my left cheek. “No. That’s not it. I want… love. Just not…”

Not V’s love? Not the way she opens her heart to those undeserving and seems to push them to heal without realizing it? Is it because I don’t… want it?

That would make sense.

Not wanting to heal.

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