Page 36 of When Day Breaks

"I overheard Amy say something a while ago. It caught me off guard, but it was something her and my father argued about.But I brushed it off because I had other things on my mind that night."

"Like what?" she asks.

"Like getting killed," I respond, and it causes her to turn around fully. "That was the night I was forced to turn."

I stay looking beyond her, over the top of her head and out the window. The memory of that night will forever stay engraved in my brain. The feeling of dying didn't scare me as much as how and why. It was the very thing that set in stone that I'd become who I am today and the trajectory of everything thereafter. My undoing.

Lucynda doesn't respond to me, but her eyes bleed for the sorrow and loss that she must feel for me. Her heart is innately empathetic. Her feelings hold strong passion within them, no matter what they are.

"When I found you that night, when I was drawn to your pain, I saw your eyes and it hit me then and there . . . you were who my father and Amy were talking about. You were Amy's daughter and then that conversation came back into my head, it all made so much more sense." The tension I feel built in her shoulder as I hold her in front of me makes me just as tense.

I hate that she's learning just how fucked this situation between us is. I hate that I made it this way. But nothing can be right between us—if that's what she even wants anymore—if I don't tell her the honest truth behind every detail of how I came to need her.

She dips her head to hide her facial expression which I'm sure is painted in consternation, and then lowers her voice to try and conceal the rage I know I feel swell inside of her. "So you…"

She trails off. And before she has a chance to even attempt to put it together herself, I spill the honest truth.

"I knew in that moment that you were what I needed for the reprisal I had planned. I needed you as a pawn."

I watch her intake air, taking a deep breath as water wells in her eyes. The tears aren't met with a sad expression or a sniffle to indicate the potential to cry. Instead, as her eyes water and her breathing comes harsh, she doesn't hesitate to rear her open hand back before slapping me in the face.

It doesn't hurt. But fuck I want it to. I want her to punish me for my actions.

"You!" She shouts behind gritted teeth as she pushes me back. Normally, I wouldn't have budged. But she's a lot stronger now that she has the strength of vampirism. So her assault causes me to stumble a bit.

"You're mad," I state blankly.

"Of course I'm mad. I knew what you'd done when I found you in the dungeon with my mother. Once I figured it out, I only knew that I hated you for keeping this secret from me. But to learn that everything you said you did for me, you really only did it for you, it fucking infuriates me, Rivian. I didn't do anything to you or anyone else for that matter to warrant this!" Her rage is valid and I feel her hatred for the deceit she's been through.

Just because she's free of the curse’s symptoms for the time being, doesn't mean she won't express her anger as it is. She's still breathing in her vampirism, her heightened senses and over magnified emotions. I still expect her to beher.

"You can be mad. I get it. But I did everything for me as much as I did it for you."

"You're lying!" She reaches out and pushes me again. But as much as I expect her to lash out and express her emotions accordingly, she has to know that I will do the same.

I clench my teeth and lunge for her, gripping her at her upper arms and pushing her against the wall next to the window.

"I did it for you!" I shout at her, trying my hardest not to raise my voice in a way that would scare her but rather instill in herthat I am not going to allow her to call me out on my word, even though I know I deserve it. But I am trying to tell her my truth.

"Get off me!" She pounds her fists against my chest as I fight against her attempt to break free, holding her tightly in my arms and imploring her to calm down.

Her hysterical assault against me slowly starts to die down as I continue to hold her and soon, tears attack her eyes. "Fuck," she gets out before her anger turns to pain once more. "Why me?" Her words fade behind her crying and only a few beats pass before she seeks comfort in my arms and fully commits to burying herself against my chest.

I hold her, allowing her the solace she needs. I'm the one who hurt her. But I will be the one to soothe her, mend her, take care of her. That was never any different even when my intentions were predominately in my best interest. She would always be safe in my presence otherwise. Always.

I hold her head to me, feeling an intense confliction about how close she is to me. If she wanted, she could take full advantage of me in this moment. I'd let her have whatever she wanted. She has that kind of grip on me and it's almost despicable how quickly I'd fold for this woman. But I do it gladly, willingly.

After a few moments, her cries die down and silence sits between us. So much so that we can practically hear the soft feathering of snow happening outside.

"So my father?" Lucynda exhales softly as her raspy voice whispers up to me, lifting her head up to look at me.

"I did that for you," I respond earnestly. "Not for me or anyone else. With or without him, you would have beenmine. But I killed that monster for you." I hope she can hear the promise in my words, that I won't let anyone hurt her even if I won't hold myself to that promise. Or at least I haven't. But I will. I don't plan to ruin her any more than I already have.

"The bank account and the apartment…" she breathes.

It's too much. The feeling of disappointing her and the feelings of needing her to understand. I just nod my head at her. I did it for her and for me. I did it because she deserved to have an escape from her life, deserved to have a safe place to land but in turn, I traded one monster for another.

Then I turned her into one.

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