Page 31 of When Day Breaks

Lucynda

Caged in. That's how I feel. Like I'm trapped inside someone I don't recognize and I feel the need to claw at my skin.

Whatever little lavender herbs Rivian fed me, suppressed my need to covet the pain of others, to rage against those who have hurt me and to want annihilation. Now, I'm calm and somewhat satiated, but confusion still eats at me as I caress the velvet skin of Rivian's erection, up and down as my mind plays with the thoughts rattling my brain.

Is he good or is he bad?

Am I innocent or am I evil?

How did I become so sinister? Vilified. Burned.

Now, I can't stand the idea that I am the reason behind arson, bloodshed, and needing to see people fear me. But before . . . it's what I craved. And it might have only lasted for a couple of hours before I was bound to chains to keep from tearing anyone else's throats out—starved so that my spirit crippled and put out anyflames that were lit inside of me—but it was an exhilarating time and even though now my head is clearer, I still feel that little twitch of satisfaction tickle my mind.

But that's not me. That's not who I am, is it? I'm strong in my convictions, whatever they may be. But I know that I am not guilty of much other than wanting to be worthy of someone's time and attention, their life and their love.

That's where things went south with Rivian. Not only was he pretending that he didn't see that kind of fulfillment in me but he was purposefully denying me of my desires in order to move forward with his. But I refuse to come this far and give everything up.

An outsider looking in might think:There's always divorce. Just leave him. Start over with someone new.But it's not about that and I'm sure it’s a lot easier said than done. It's about my fight within myself to prove that I am not who I have been forged to be by everyone else in my life, anointed with their execration and denounced to the shadows.

Besides, I am supposed to be a queen to a society of Nocturnes, and wife to a king and now . . . I have siblings and a mother that I am eager to get to know now that I might actually have a chance.

But first, if I ever stand a chance in this world—to survive my newest sins and to, more importantly, survive myself—I have to learn how to trust again. And my idea for trust building when it comes to Rivian is outlandish, but it's all I can think of right now.

I use my toes to pull at the device to unplug the bath, letting all of the dirtied water escape down the drain.

"Not here." Rivian looks down between us where I grip him eagerly before he nods in the direction of the bed.

I reach behind me to start a run of fresh, hot water before I look back at him.

"I thinkhereis the perfect place." I lean in and manifest whatever sexual demon I can conjure, kind of like the one thatcame out the night he found me at the piano. It's not hard, because in my vampirism, I am tunnel vision when it comes to pleasure.

His.

Mine.

Ours.

I crave it. And I know he's not opposed to it either. So here I am ready to perform some crazy, unorthodox way for us to keep exploring each other's desires—even though I am still very angry with him—all while testing just how far I can take this out-of-pocket trust-fall experiment.

My lips graze his ear and I can feel his dick pulse in my hands.

"I don't want you to let me up until you come in my mouth." I whisper and evenIfeel hunger at my words.

The look of realization covers his face as he looks down, both of us seeing that I hold him under water.

"Lucynda, you can't possibly be too stubborn to think that you can hold your breath for more than a minute underwater. Especially with my cock down your throat at that." His rebuttal is true, I know I can't hold my breath that long. And I'm definitely bound to gag or choke which will only ruin my chances of control. But part of me finds that thrilling.

Besides, I won't die. Not really. I'll recover from the drowning eventually. I am, after all, immortal now.

"My point exactly." I pump him in my hand a few times, possibly cheating by trying to get him a little closer to release. But then I let go of him while I scoot back to prepare myself to dip my head under water.

"What point?" He asks as I replace the plug to the drain and let the water run for a few more minutes to ensure there's enough for what I need. That, and pure water is what I'm after.

"The one where I might be able to trust you again." I smirk and he gives me a confused but deviant look.

"I know you won't let me drown. I know you'll finish in time to let me breathe." His dick bobs in the water, there's now a good few inches of water above it before it reaches air.

I turn around to turn off the faucet and then meet his eyes again.

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