Page 14 of When Day Breaks

"I haven't been myself since the night I turned! Since your mother broke my neck and turned me intothis!"

Troy dips her head as my words reverberate around us, leaving both of us ashamed of the fight we hold between ourselves when both of us know, this is not meant to beourfight.

"You were always meant to turn, Rivian. It's your legacy. Your nature.” I hear the sincere sorrow fill her tone, and I know that what she’s saying has truth. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t despise that she’s bringing it up. “I, however, did not sign up to be betrayed by the one person who I looked up to, lying to me and sneaking around. You are ruining this Society for whatever agenda you have going on,” she scoffs. “And you ruined your wife in the process."

I hate when she's right. I hate when anyone other than me is right, but I know I am the cause of this mess we're in. The mess that now includes everyone in my kingdom because I wanted to forge Lucynda's need for vampirism, in hopes that she wouldn't disagree with my desire for Ameliana's death.

I can't weaken now. I see the pain on Troy's face, but I can't let that be my motivator. If I show weakness to her, the wrong people watching could take that the wrong way and use that against me.

"You don't know anything," I tell her, hating that I can't just fess up to everything and let it all out. Again though, I don't want the wrong ears to be privy to that knowledge and right now, I can't afford to trust anyone.

"You're right,big bro. I don't, and it sucks that you are trying so hard to keep it hidden from me. I thought we trusted each other. I can't help you if you don't let me understand." I let silence feather over us, opting not to answer her. I want to, it stabs against my heart to just give her the fucking answers. But I'm not sure I even have all the answers.

"Why did you let this happen?" she asks, this time in a much more sincere and calming tone.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, Troy. I never meant for you to get involved and for-"

"For your wife to try and kill me?" She chuckles, looking down at Lucynda and deadpans, "I thought we were starting to become friends."

I lower myself to bend down next to my wife, pulling whatever torn fabrics she still wears to cover her up. I did fuck her up. I know that. And yes, part of this was my intention. I wanted her to be angry. I wanted her to understand why I was doing what I was doing. And for a moment, she did. She even defended me for it. Until she realized that I had betrayed her just the same. I only knew that I couldn't tell her the truth about her mother willingly, she would have never let me act out my vengeance. And I needed that more than anyone could ever come to understand. It was the very thing I engineered myself in when I turned. But Lucynda would have never understood because my sweet sin's heart is too big for her own good. She craved light when I needed dark.

But then there was the curse. Something I never even considered because even the thought of it is rare.

"Lavendulan messorem,"I whisper as I stand to face my sister.

"Excuse me?"

"The lavender curse. Lucynda has it." I decide to offer her one piece of truth. One thing to let her know just how dangerous my wife has become and that we might expect more of it if we don't act fast.

"Rivian." Troy's hushed warning does nothing but make me realize just how selfish I've truly been. But I couldn't control it, they'd never understand that though. They'd never understand that I didn't have a choice to pursue all of this. I'd made it worse, sure, but I was so blind in my own rage and pain that I couldn't push myself out of it. I was forged in my own flames of destruction, dooming myself by binding my dominant emotionof revenge to the forefront of my mind. Once my mind was made up, there was no turning back.

And then someone comes along and steals my attention, my soul burning for the obsession of her that I reveled in. And I just had to go and attempt to shape her to be anyone other than someone who desired love. Because love is a weakness. I didn't want that for me, knowing that my passion for her would quickly be revealed to be just that. And kings aren't allowed to be weak. Something that was engraved into my skin, evident in the many scars I endured by the hands of my father.

"Fuck, this has gotten way out of hand." I scrub a hand down my face, not really knowing how to fix this. But the inevitability of the truth will come out. I have to make sure that on the other side of this all, peace will be granted and everything will be back to where it was before I brought Lucynda into my life. But all the while, keeping her in my life. Because she may be mad at me now, but she is mine and I am not letting her go.

"You can say that again." Troy turns her head from left to right, slowly and finally, looking at the depth of chaos surrounding us. Questions likely fill her head the same as they do mine.

How do I rid my wife of this curse? How do I reel back in my Nocturnes and ease their minds while ensuring they still trust me, in the midst of a Rogue? A Rogue that is likely still at large. Who the fuck is it and why? How can I clear my brother's name when he seemed so compliant with his imprisonment? Is he truly guilty? What am I going to do with Ameliana assuming she freed herself from the fire and is now roaming around God knows where. How can I get my sister to trust me if I can't even tell her the truth?

How will I get Lucynda to forgive me?

There's only one thing I know I can control right now while I try to wrap my head around solutions for the others. I hate thefeeling of what I'm about to do. It'll only make her angrier, but it's what has to be done.

"Lock her up." I give one final look to my wife before leaving her side. "I need to keep her restrained until I can figure out how to help her. Nathairia is surely on her way." I steel my back and decide I have got to stop feeling pity for myself, and I need to start a motion of some kind of plan to fix this. I need to get the kingdom back in order, figure out who's been fucking with my Society and . . . I need to get my wife back.

I walk past Troian, not willing to even look at her.

"Hold up, did you just say Nathairia?" Troy grabs me by my elbow and spins me back around to face her, a look of shock blanketing her face.

"Indeed." I speak low as I brush her hand off me.

"Oh, you've really lost your mind, haven't you?" Her sarcasm irritates me as she crosses her arms over her chest. "Who made you this way? What has you so fucked up that you-"

"Me. I'm the villain, Troian!" I raise my voice, causing my sister to flinch slightly. Everything is boiling over and I am running out of patience.

I bring my eyes up to hers and I see a tear threaten the corner of her eye. I lower my voice. "This is all on me. I did this."

"No, I refuse to accept that. You need to let someone in, Riv. Your wife is suffering. I am suffering." I hate the hurt that rattles her tone, I hate the look of disappointment painted on her face.

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