"No, for your curse." I don't know if he sees my reaction, but it's not short of uncertainty.
I shake my head at him, not knowing what the hell he's talking about to the extent that I'm almost convinced that maybe I am making this whole situation up.
"I should have told you sooner." He takes a step forward, and his voice grazes a level of sincerity that I'm not entirely used to with Rivian. "But the night I found you in your old home, after you accidentally killed your stepsister, I saw it in your eyes."
He gives me a moment to process the very night he's talking about and I remember the image so vividly. That was the night I hated myself the most, because I finally gave in to that one little taunting voice that was just loud enough to convince me to enact payback on the ones who kicked me when I was down.
I loved the feeling but hated myself for what I had done.
Rivian continues his explanation. "You know how my eyes glow a black shadowy color when I hunger for blood or when-"
"When I turn you on," I interrupt him, because I have noticed the very look he's talking about. It's an exhilarating experience to witness.
"Yes. Well, yours were purple that night. A light, vibrant hue of the sweetest lavender." He licks his lips, almost as if he's reminiscing over that night.
He was there for me, helped me through my battles and that's when I knew that I truly did . . . no.
I can't say it. It doesn't matter anymore. He broke my trust and I can't just be too forgiving of that.
"And that's not normal?" I question, still not really sure where he's going with this.
"It's rare. It's calledlavendulan messorem,and it meansLavender Curse."
"So, I'm cursed?"
"Oftentimes, it forms when a new vampire is struggling to fight the desire to be driven in light or dark energies. Most people are made up of one more than the other, so usually the dominant energy is what usually takes over, comprising themselves of the strongest emotion they feel so that they don't get overwhelmed with everything else. It's a natural proceeding. But there are rare instances where one's soul craves both; light and dark energy." I can't help but to be drawn to his words, the way he treads carefully with his explanations and makes sure that I am taking it all in. I find myself leaning closer to him the more he talks.
"The fight between what your head is telling you that you need versus what your heart is begging for, that's why you get angry and thrill for the hunt. That's why you can't seem to control your feeds and show a lack of compassion for much right now. You, in other words little one, are what nightmares are made of." Again, I'm hanging on to his every word like I wait for my next breath. I don't even know why because I am still so mad at him.
But then I do take a breath and I realize everything that he just said about this curse is supposedly the reason why I am acting the way I am, but part of me doesn't know if I should feel reliefby that or offense. I'm only playing the role I was given, so what the fuck does he care? He did this to me.
"So what, your stupid cookies are here to save the day," I snarl at him, and he simply lowers his head with a playful smirk painted across his ridiculously handsome face.
"They're laced with crushed lavender. It's said to quell the curses' desires for a while. If you'll take them, I can unchain you and we can-"
"Talk?" I laugh. What more could he want us to talk about? Though I won't lie, the idea that something might be able to help fix whatever is wrong with me sounds enticing. Because even though I like playing the bad guy if even for just a few moments, I do want to get the fuck out of these chains.
Rivian leans down and lowers his voice, his tone sending shivers down my spine because he feels so close to me, and I miss the way that feels. "I owe you the entire explanation, little one. And you might not believe me, but you are my wife and I refuse to have you any other way."
I let my eyes fall shut, wanting to believe him but I know it's going to take more than sweet-talking me to get me there. The damage is done, and I'm already so far gone.
"You're right…" I match his tone, whispering darkly so that he hears me when I speak to him. "Idon'tbelieve you."
Rivian doesn't give me more than a breath of air before he swooshes in, standing me up, and pushing me up against the way. My back is pressed deeply into the concrete, the chains rattle with the movement and it shell shocks me as adrenaline courses through my veins. If I wasn't wide awake and alert before…
"I could get on my knees for you right here, Lucynda. Prove it to you, if that's what you want." His warm breath skates against the shell of my ear, my cheeks burn with so much greed for his touch, but he keeps his palms pressed against the wall behindme as he cages me in. "I wouldn't mind begging for my wife's forgiveness." He leans back just enough to feather his lips over mine and I my desire pools between my legs as I yearn for him to fucking kiss me.
"I want-" I can't breathe. Everything feels like it's on fire. The chains scrape against my skin in a delicious form of friction that makes my need for him feel that much more sinful.
"Your words, little one," he demands as he presses his chest closer to mine and I know he can feel the rise and fall of my chest.
But I have to stop this. I don't want what happened at the Gilded Hollow to happen again even though it was riveting and fulfilled my needs. I just know it won't bode well for us to keep up with the fight of power between us, trying to claim dominance by engaging in rough sex. But I need him just as badly as I hate him right now.
I have to muster up enough courage to say something other than what I really want to say.I want you to touch me.I want to kiss you. I want to feel you deep inside me.But instead, I lean my head back, giving me a little bit more distance to separate myself from the need to give in.
"I'll eat the damn cookies," I say with a sly smile, and I don't miss the slight look of defeat flash in his eyes. But he doesn't skip a beat as he takes a strand of my hair between his fingers and looks from my lips to my eyes before whispering, "Good girl."
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