Page 62 of When Night Falls

"What are you saying?" I ask before holding my breath, nervous to allow any more space to deplete between us as he approaches.

But he doesn't answer.

"Rivian, what are you saying?"

Anxiety creeps within, settling forth a domino effect of all the nefarious things I dream of letting him do to me. It comes in waves of anger and greed and forbidden truths. I want Rivian.Maybe that’s why I’m trying to force him to want me the same. I want more than he’s giving me. And his next words do nothing to quell the ache and he confuses me that much more.

"I'm saying that I did not intend for you to crawl into the deepest parts of my mind and mark your territory, little one." I can't focus on his words; his scent comes dangerously close to being my own as he is now only mere inches in front of me.

"I'm saying that I did not anticipate the absolute fucking grip you have on my soul when I allowed you to enter my life. I'm saying that every part of you consumes every part of me even when I tell myself that I can't have you and I don't want you." Rivian's timbre is brooding and gray, a reflection of himself.

My mind races to pick apart the last thing he said, and I need him to clarify.

"Why don't you want me? Isn't that the point of all this?" I question.

"Because monsters like me are not meant to corrupt innocent souls like yours."

"But yet, here I am at your beck and call because you couldn't stand to let your little soulmate escape your clutch. You said before that you sense darkness in me but now I’m suddenly innocent? You seem to paint this narrative that I might only desire an act for revenge and if you believe those things to be true, then don't you think that would be all the more reason for us to actually be together?"

Part of me hates that I enable his thoughts.I want him to see the best in me like I crave to see the best in him. But the difference between him and I is that I would be willing to sacrifice everything to be here, accepting every part of him; dark or light, evil or good.

"No." His answer is short and I’m losing my patience. Can’t he see that I am struggling here? Can’t he tell that I am willing and able to do everything he asks? He won’t even grant me that. Isour life to consist of lonely days, locking me in my room while he fights wars of treason and feeds on humans.

"Tell me why." I command.

"Because, you have no idea how ruinous I intend to be to you," he says darkly and honestly, I don’t know how to consume his words. Nothing he says makes sense to me one way or another leaving me to constantly feel like I have to pick apart everything he tells me.

"You're planning on ruining me? What the fuck does that even mean, Rivian? Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?"

"It means-"

"Who's to say I'll even let you ruin me?" I cut him off and I can see fury boil in his eyes. "That sounds like a warning. Maybe I should run. I'm so good at that aren't I?" I love and hate the way I get under his skin, the way he looks at me like I'm the bane of his existence but also the only thing that can make him whole.

"If you fucking run from me, Lucynda. I will find you," he warns me. I don't miss the way his eyes darken, heat rising in my core as they do. There's something so forbidden and enticing about the way his eyes change like that. It's an oddity, but I grow fascinated with the way it looks.

"And then what?" I question.

"And then I'll take what's mine."

"And what might that be?"

"You."

I freeze in my tracks, daring to not blink, flinch, or even breathe as he steps up to me, toe to toe. I don't even want to look him in the eyes anymore, but his scent draws me upward. I love the way he smells, and the way he looks down on me makes it that much more sinful.

"I have no obligation to act out this stupid fantasy ofsoul bondsRivian. So I suggest that if you want me to be your queen, then fucking treat me like one!” I press my index finger into hischest, more so for dramatic effect but I push my limits with the way I demand his respect. I can’t take this anymore. The tension builds so quickly and I can only store so much of it without feeling like I'm about to implode.

Rivian touches his fingers to my cheek, and I allow him. Because he makes me weak.

"You might need to reevaluate your plans here, Cyn. You may think that you're all big and bad with your newfound attitude but I think you’ve forgotten just how much I can see right through you.”

“But can you? Because you claim to know what I want, Rivian but you’ve gotten me all wrong.”

I can see that my words cause him to rethink for a beat. His eyes move from my eyes to my lips to my chest then back up to my eyes again.

“Don’t underestimate me, little one.”

I hate him. I hate how he doubts me. I hate that he doesn't allow me the opportunity to do right by his lore and to benefit the Society. Or give me the chance to be myself. I don't even know what that means to me anymore, to be myself. Who am I other than this sad excuse of a girl who seems to be crazier in the head than when he found me? But he doesn't know me if he thinks that this side of me is brand new. He doesn't know how fucking hard it is for me to hide the girl who wants to enact rage on every fucking person on this planet. But if anything, he's what brings that out in me the most. He doesn't know what the fuck he wants. One minute he's on top of me, and the next he's tossing me aside. So, I think he's the one who might need a reevaluation. But he is right, I want him tosee me.

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