1
SUTTON
The gunshot wakes me up.Looking all around me, my heart pumping in my chest,
I take a couple of seconds to realize it was all a dream. A horrible dream.
I sit up in a very empty bed, rubbing the remains of my nightmare from my eyes. Dodging a hitman's bullet while grabbing my daughter to hide is a recurring fear that haunts me when sleep takes me over.
I’m safe. I’m okay. Life is simple.
A mantra. A truth. A reality I created for myself when I decided to become a single mother.
Five years ago, my life was a lot more exciting with Ciara’s father, but that wasn’t the life for me.
It’s not like I don’t still miss it... misshim. I do.
But Ciara is safe and happy, and even if that makes my life a little less fun, it’s worth it.
Over the next few minutes, my heartbeat slows and my breathing calms.
“Mommy, I can’t find my other shoe!” Ciara’s voice echoes down the hall, urgent and slightly panicked.
I can’t help but smile as I get up and head to the kitchen. It’s the same drill every day.
“Have you looked in the closet, the bottom shelf?”
“Found it!” Whirlwind Ciara enters the kitchen a minute later, holding up the errant shoe triumphantly. She’s dressed in a whimsical dress covered in tiny dinosaurs, because why not? Dinosaurs can be fashionable too, right?
“Good job, honey.” I slide a plate of sliced apple wedges across the table to her designated spot. She climbs into her chair, legs dangling.
Pushing her apples aside to grab her juice, she asks, “Are we still going to Granny’s after school?”
I turn to her with mock sternness, my tone light. “As long as you promise not to eat too many cookies again.”
“But I love cookies!”
As we pullup to the red brick building, the school playground hums with early morning energy.
She unbuckles and hops out, clutching her bag. Her small hand slips into mine, a mix of independence and attachment. I relish these moments of connection.
“Kiss for luck?” I bend to her level.
She pecks my cheek, her kiss sticky and sweet. “Love you, Mommy!”
“Love you too, kiddo. See you after school.”
She darts off, merging into the crowd of tiny explorers.
Back in the car, silence surrounds me, a stark contrast to the morning’s chaos. I exhale, gathering myself for the day ahead.
The list is endless, the hours too few, the juggle is constant, but the rewards? Immeasurable.
Fifteen minutes later, I sink into my desk chair. As I settle in, the scent of freshly brewed coffee drifts over from my mug. I take a sip, then check my emails, sifting through a mix of client requests and project updates.
My fingers fly over the keyboard.
What feels like hours later, my shoulders burn and as I stretch, my eyes catch a framed photo on the edge of the desk. It’s me and Ciara at the park, her face smeared with a mixture of chocolate and unbridled joy.