Page 20 of Vengeful Secret

6

GRAY

I followSutton out into the bar, watching her disappear into the night. My stomach is in knots, my heart aching.

I have to admit, I’m surprised. I thought I’d buried these feelings deeper, thought one night wouldn’t bring them back up again. I thought the past was in the past, but tonight has only proven that the past and the present are always closer than you think.

I make a quick phone call, and a black Escalade pulls up to the corner as I stand at the door of the bar. I walk out into the night, sliding into the backseat, and the driver nods back at me. I don’t respond. I’d rather have him think I’m stone-drunk than as heartbroken as I am.

The cool air does nothing to soothe the combination of anger and hurt swirling around inside me. I hate the way it feels, to be in love, to be rejected. Especially since I hadn’t even known I wanted to try again with Sutton until I met her again tonight.

Why did she reject me, after all? Because of her daughter? Because she thinks I can’t keep them safe? God, maybe she’s right. It’s not like I was able to keep my father safe, or Paige.

Depression settles over me like a wave and when I arrive at home, I throw cash in the front seat and instantly exit the car, heading inside and straight down to the gym.

I tell myself I want to work the alcohol out of my system, but really, I think I’m just punishing myself. Punishing myself because Sutton doesn’t want to try again. Punishing myself because I can’t think of a reason why she should want to.

Everyone’s dead asleep, of course, so I don’t have to worry about anyone hearing me grunt out my frustrations with the barbells and dumbbells downstairs.

I start out with cardio, getting on the treadmill with my earbuds in and running to the sound of rock music. My feet pound on the belt with each beat of the music.

I’m sweating quickly at the pace I’ve set, my heart pounding, but I don’t care. I keep running, as if I can run away from my responsibilities, away from everything that’s holding me down. There’s so much weight on my shoulders, it’s a wonder it doesn’t bring me to my knees.,

I jump off after my heart rate gets dangerously high, needing to throw something around, needing the weight in my hands, the burn in my palms and in my biceps.

When I’m almost exhausted from lifting, I head over to the punching bag, hitting it over and over again, the fast bag, so that each punch throws the bag back into my face, nearly hitting me.

It’s like a game, dodging it, punching the bag until my biceps and forearms ache and burn and scream.

Usually, I pretend I’m fighting some faceless enemy. A Murphy, most likely, or another one of our rival clans. This time, I picturemy own face and punch my shadow self over and over until I’m panting and sweating.

I don’t know how long I spend down there, but by the time I’m finished, my muscles don’t seem to work. I’ve worked myself out to failure, and I can barely lift my arms above my head to take off my sweaty button-up shirt.

I plan to work out more, but in the end, I can’t, my muscles won’t cooperate, and I call my best friend, Thomas, knowing he’ll be up. He works nights for me and my father, keeping an eye on potential shipments and all our warehouses.

He answers right away. “Boss?”

Just being called that makes me want to cringe, hating that I’ve taken this on, hating that I’ve had to. I want my father to be “boss,” not me.

“Just wanted a progress update.”

What I really want is to spill about Sutton, to tell him that we’ve reconnected, to tell him how much she hurt me just in the span of a few hours. But I can’t really trust myself to do that.

I want to keep things with Sutton under wraps, because having matters of the heart fuck me up the way it did doesn’t really make for an intimidating leader.

In the end, I talk only about work.

“Shipments all on time. There’s no one near any of the warehouses, not since we changed locations.”

“No sign of Murphy?”

“None at all.” He pauses. “You know I’d call you if there were, Gray.”

“Sure, sure, I know.”

“Why are you calling me so late, anyway?”

“Went out with Declan.”

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