Page 19 of Vengeful Secret

“It doesn’t matter,” I mumble, and Gray pins me up against the wall again with his body, pressing his forehead to mine.

“Of course, it matters. It matters because I still need you in my life.”

God, ithurts.It hurts deep in my chest, my stomach, in my very bone marrow that I can’t tell Gray that I still love him, that I want us to be back together.

That girl that I was when we met, the one who was crazy, blind in love with him, is still inside me, screaming for a chance to get out.

I take a shaky breath. “But it's not just about us anymore, Gray. I’m a mother. I have responsibilities. You have responsibilities, taking over for your father. There are consequences to what we do, despite our past. Despite our feelings for each other.”

“What do you mean, consequences?” Anger flashes in his eyes. “I would always protect you and your daughter, Sutton, you know that.”

Do I?

How can Gray protect us when his lifestyle is what would keep us in danger? How can he promise to keep us safe when he’s under the gun every single day of his life.

And now that he’s running things, it would only be worse. Things would only be more dangerous.

Gray has a target on his back, and anyone he associates with will, too.

“It's not that simple, Gray."

If it was, I’d run away with him right now. I’ve always loved him, always wanted him. It’s not a matter of what I want. What I want is Gray, but I can’t have him and have the peaceful life I’ve created with Ciara.

If Gray had any idea what secrets I’ve been keeping, he wouldn’t want me anyway.

“It is simple, Sutton. You know how I feel about you. I know that you feel the same way. I could feel it in your kiss, in how we made love. We could be together again.”

“But—”

“I don’t care about raising another man’s baby,” Gray says quickly. “I’ve never thought about having kids, but fuck it, with you, I’d be happy to raise your daughter. I care about you, Sutton. I never stopped.”

“I didn’t either, but that doesn’t mean that we can keep going like this." I wrench away from him.

Gray puts an arm around my waist, trying to tug me back, but I don’t let him, standing strong and grabbing my dress to put back on, fumbling with the zipper as tears spring to my eyes.

“Sutton, don’t—” His voice is hoarse, his eyes wide and intense. “Don’t go.”

“I have to.”

Gray watches me, his eyes so piercing they could split me in two.

I’ve never doubted that Gray loved me. I’ve never doubted that he wanted what was best for me, but he can’t give that to me now.

My heart aches, my stomach sick as I slowly walk out of the bathroom and walk out into the night, opening up my ride share app. I don’t even say goodbye to my friends, knowing they’ll have questions, knowing they’ll ask me why I look like I’m about to cry.

I’m doing the right thing. I’m keeping Ciara safe, and in the process, keeping myself safe, too. Because if anything ever happened to that little girl because of who I chose to love, I’d never forgive myself.

Like I told Gray, this isn’t about me anymore. It’s not about our little love bubble and how long we can stay in it. There’s a little girl to worry about, to protect.

So, I have to go, despite how my heart aches, despite how tears are filling my eyes.

I finally get the ride-share app open, and the car comes, and I’m silent the rest of the drive home.

I go straight home, knowing I’ll need to pick up my car in the morning, and tears are still streaming down my face when I let myself inside with my key.

You’re doing the right thing.

But then why is my heart broken all over again?

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