Page 38 of Too Busy for Love

I’m on my way to the airport again and relishing the time on my own. It’s been a tricky few days. Chris and Tim have been, in my view, as good as their word, laying miles of cabling throughout the house and garden while taking care to hide it as discreetly as possible. Rosa doesn’t see it that way though, and I’m sure there are hostage negotiations that have required less diplomacy than I’ve had to exercise to keep everyone happy. However, remote-controlled cameras that can pan, tilt and zoom have now been installed in the reception rooms, the terrace, the garden and by the pool. In addition to them, there are also fixed cameras in all the hallways, apparently to capture any nocturnal corridor creeping. The only place the contestants will be unobserved is when they’re in their bedrooms, but even then there are mobile cameras that Chris and Tim can use for any ‘morning after the night before’ interviews.

I’m collecting six people off two flights from London and Birmingham. Gus is coming out later to swap his minibus for an undamaged one and meet the remaining four from Manchester and Edinburgh. He’s printed out signs with the contestants’ names for me to hold so, after parking the minibus, I join thegroup of drivers in the arrivals hall and it’s not long before my first contestant emerges.

‘Hi, welcome to Mallorca,’ I greet the rather frayed-looking man who has marched up to me. ‘I’m Beatrice and I’ll be looking after you. Can I take your name?’

‘Yeah, Jason. Jason Roff.’

‘Nice to meet you, Jason. Are you excited about the show?’

‘Not really,’ he admits. ‘The timing couldn’t be worse, if I’m honest. I’m right in the middle of a complex deal, so I hope there’s good mobile coverage and Wi-Fi, otherwise I’ll be on the next flight home.’

He buries his nose in his phone, indicating that the conversation is over, so I turn my attention to looking for the other people I’m supposed to be meeting off this flight. Next to emerge is a heavily made-up young woman called Flo who informs me that she’s an influencer with gazillions of followers. Jason is patently unimpressed by her, especially when she asks him to take photos on her phone while she poses with her luggage.

‘I’ve got more important things to do than take your bloody holiday snaps,’ he tells her crossly.

‘Here, give it to me,’ I offer. She’s looking mutinous and I’m concerned that things might escalate quickly if I don’t step in.

‘You know what his problem is?’ she observes pointedly as she hands me the phone. ‘Small dick energy.’

‘You know what your problem is?’ he counters. ‘Fuck all between your ears.’

‘Enough,’ I tell them both firmly while silently praying that they aren’t one of Raquel’s matches. They’d murder each other within five minutes if left unsupervised.

By the time the final contestant from the second flight makes their way over, a little over an hour later, Jason is fidgetingimpatiently and Flo is watching him with an expression of disdain.

‘Right, follow me to the minibus,’ I tell the group of four women and two men. ‘It’s only about a half-hour drive to the villa, but Gus, our producer, wants to film you arriving individually, so there might be a bit of waiting around when we first get there. I hope that’s OK.’

‘Fuck’s sake,’ Jason mutters stroppily. I do hope he’s going to lighten up soon, because he’s doing a brilliant job of killing the vibe so far. The atmosphere on the journey is subdued; Jason jumped straight into the front passenger seat, which I’m trying hard not to be irritated about. It’s not just that he didn’t bother to ask any of the others if they wanted it; it’s also that there’s plenty of space for six in the back seats and I’d be much more comfortable without him brooding next to me. I make a note to bring a large bag or something to block off the front seats on future journeys. Behind me, the women are chatting quietly and the other man is staring out of the window.

‘Here we are,’ I say as brightly as I can when we pull up at the gates of Villa Madrigal and I enter the access code to let us in.

‘Where’s the house?’ Jason asks.

‘Just a few minutes down the track. It’s worth the wait, I promise.’

‘I’ll be the judge of that.’

I’m pleased to see Jason’s mood does improve a little when he catches sight of the villa. As arranged with Gus, I pull the minibus round to the side and park it in the space outside my annexe, where Dom is waiting for us.

‘Hi, everyone,’ he says brightly as we climb out. ‘Welcome to Villa Madrigal andToo Busy for Love. I trust you all had good journeys?’

‘Look, no offence, mate,’ Jason begins, ‘but I need to crack on. Can you just show me my room and give me the Wi-Fi code?’

I have to stifle a giggle as I can see Flo parodying him out of the corner of my eye.

Dom looks confused. ‘Didn’t you read the schedule I sent you?’

‘No. I’ve got a lot on right now. I haven’t had time to read all that stuff you sent. There was loads of it. You need to learn to summarise, mate.’

‘I see. Has everyone else read it?’

‘I have,’ Flo replies eagerly, flashing Dom a megawatt smile that I suspect is mainly designed to irritate Jason. The sheepish looks from the rest of the group indicate that she’s the only one, though.

‘Fine,’ Dom says a little tetchily. ‘I’ll take you through it. First of all, we’re going to film you walking up to the front door, one by one, with your luggage. When you get inside, your bags will be taken to your rooms but you are to make your way out to the terrace at the back, where welcome drinks have been laid out. Help yourself to a drink and get to know your fellow contestants. For all you know, the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with is standing right next to you.’

‘Look,’ Jason counters, ‘I know you’ve got a job to do and everything, but can we do this later? I’ve got some important calls I need to make.’

‘No,’ Dom tells him firmly. ‘If you’d bothered to read the schedule, you’d see that there are allocated times when you can work, and times when you have to be downstairs and sociable. It’s Sunday today; I’m sure whatever it is can wait. I trust you’ve all read and understand the social media and Wi-Fi policies, at least?’

---