Page 20 of Too Busy for Love

‘Why?’

‘If they’ve found enough to convict you, then I’ll be in prison as well. Who will you get to make it? Anyway, we’re not going to prison, so you don’t need to worry about it.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘We haven’t done anything wrong. You need to hold on to that, Beatrice. How can they find evidence to convict you if you haven’t broken the law? This isn’t some banana republic where they just lock you up anyway. They have to prove you’re guilty, remember?’

‘You’re right. I know you’re right, but I still have these wobbles from time to time. I do try to imagine putting all this behind me and getting my life back on track, but it’s hard.’

‘That’s normal. I have wobbles too. The trick is not to let them take hold. Think of it this way: by this time tomorrow, it will all be over.’

I sigh. ‘I wish I could look at it like that. All I can think about is that this might be my last night of freedom. Tonight: roast chicken, lemon posset and wine. Tomorrow: prison uniform, gruel, dry bread and water with a dead cockroach in it.’

He laughs. ‘I think you’ll find things have moved on since the Victorian era.’

‘Yeah, but one thing hasn’t. If we go to prison, that’s a criminal record and nobody will ever hire us again. I love this job, Jock. I can’t even think about doing something else.’

‘That’s true but, as I keep saying, it’s not going to go that way. Here’s the deal. I will meet you in the bar at seven tomorrow night. Wear your best dress because we’re going to be celebrating. How does that sound?’

I sigh. ‘Fine. If we’re cleared tomorrow, I’ll be here. What if it’s neither?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I just thought. They don’t have to convict or release. They could keep us on bail for another week.’

‘If they do that, I’m sure we can find more sights to see.’

‘How do you do it?’

‘What?’

‘Remain so positive about everything.’

‘The way I look at life is this. There are things I can control and things I can’t. There’s no point in worrying about the things I can control, because I should be able to change them if I don’t like them. Equally, there’s no point in worrying about the things I can’t control, because there’s nothing I can do to influence the outcome. Tell me something: do you worry about dying?’

‘OK, that’s not where I was expecting this to go. Bit dark, Jock.’

‘I’m not trying to be depressing; I’m just making a point. Do you?’

‘It’s not something I think about, no.’

‘But you could die tomorrow. You might get run over by a bus, or shot by a terrorist, or a piano might fall on your head. Equally, you might live until you’re 103 and die peacefully at home surrounded by your great grandchildren. You can’t control it, so why worry about it? Do you see where I’m coming from?’

‘I guess so. You could have picked a different analogy though.’

‘It’s a good one for this. So, you might die tomorrow or you might not. You might go to prison tomorrow or you might not. You have no control over either of those things, so don’t waste time stressing about them.’

‘Ah, but that’s where your analogy falls down.’

‘How?’

‘If I don’t die tomorrow then it will just be another day, because I’m not expecting to die. But I’m definitely going to the police station, andsomethingis going to happen one way or another. It’s an actual event that could have life-changing consequences, and therefore I’m worried about it.’ I think for amoment. ‘A better analogy would be waiting for the results of a biopsy. It might be benign, or it might be malignant, but it’s going to have a big impact either way.’

‘Ah well. I tried. But I don’t think it hurts to be optimistic.’

‘I’m not so sure. Haven’t you ever heard the proverb?’

‘Which one?’

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