Page 10 of Too Busy for Love

‘Right, I’m going to try again,’ he tells me. ‘See you in the morning.’

As soon as he’s gone, I feel my anxiety levels start to rise again. I take the chamomile tea back to my bedroom, but I’m no more relaxed by the time I’ve finished it. The clock tells me it’s now two in the morning. What am I going to do? I remember how I used to climb into Mum and Dad’s bed if I got really scared in the night as a child. They always complained, but I’d burrow in between them anyway and feel perfectly safe.

The thought comes to me totally unbidden and I dismiss it straight away. The problem with thoughts like this one is that they’re not so easily fobbed off. I can’t do it; Jock would think I was either coming on to him or a lunatic. The idea is ignoring my objections though, and pretty soon I can’t think of anything else. With a growl, I grab my pillow and walk out into the hallway, knocking gently on Jock’s door.

After a second or so, he opens it a crack and peers out at me.

‘What’s up?’ he asks.

‘This is going to sound crazy,’ I tell him. ‘In fact, it is crazy. Forget I came.’ I turn to go back to my room.

‘Why are you holding your pillow?’

I sigh. ‘It’s stupid. I was just thinking about how I used to sleep in Mum and Dad’s bedroom if I got scared in the night when I was little.’

‘And you’re scared tonight.’

I nod.

‘You’d better come in then,’ he says, holding the door open.

‘This isn’t a sex thing. You know that, right?’

‘It’s fine, Beatrice. Are you coming or not?’

‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’

‘I wouldn’t be holding the door open if I did.’

I step into his room. Normally, I’d be consumed with curiosity and want to take in every detail, but it’s hard to see much in the dim glow of his bedside light.

‘I normally sleep on the left,’ he tells me.

‘That’s handy,’ I say self-consciously. ‘I sleep on the right.’

‘Jump in then.’

I slip under the duvet and lie down on my back, averting my gaze as he clambers in next to me and turns off the light. This feels very strange and uncomfortable and I’m just contemplating getting up and going back to my room when his hand finds mine in the darkness and gives it a squeeze.

‘You’re safe now,’ he whispers. ‘Close your eyes and go to sleep.’

I roll over onto my side and I’m fast asleep within seconds.

OK, this is super awkward. I slept like a baby with Jock beside me but, when I wake the next morning, we appear to be spooned together and Jock’s arm is around my midriff. His breathing is deep and even, which tells me he’s still asleep, so I start to plan how I can escape from his grip without waking him up. Very slowly, I start to ease my way out from under his arm, but he obviously senses the movement because he pulls me back in.

To be fair, there are worse places to be. I haven’t shared a bed with anyone since I was at university so it’s a long time since anyone has held me like this. I’d forgotten how nice it feels. Maybe I’ll just stay here for a little while longer. After all, it’s not like there’s anything urgent I need to be doing. There’s no breakfast service to supervise, no guests to check out. I can’t even start job hunting until I know whether I’m going to prison or not.

The thought of prison sends a shudder down my spine, and I have to give myself a shake to get rid of it. Jock yawns behind me and stretches his legs. There’s no bedside clock on my side of the bed, so I have no idea what time it is.

‘Oh shit, I am so sorry,’ Jock’s says as he hastily removes his arm and shuffles his body away from mine. I take the opportunity to roll over and look at him. He’s puce with embarrassment.

‘It’s fine,’ I reassure him. ‘In fact, it was probably what I needed. I can’t remember the last time I slept so solidly. Did you sleep OK? I hope I didn’t fidget too much.’

‘I went out like a light. I really am sorry though. I don’t know what came over me.’

‘Don’t blame yourself. After all, we don’t know who spooned who. It might have been me, and you just put your arm round me as a reflex. The point is that I felt safe, so thank you for taking me in. I know it was a bizarre request.’

This seems to cheer him up, and he rolls over to look at his bedside clock.

---