Page 54 of Her Secret Santa

She sits down next to me, pulling me close in a one-armed hug and petting over the mess of my hair.

“Look, I know the press was overwhelming. You never expected to be in the public eye like that, and the headlines arescary. I won’t fault you for being scared.” Her tone is the one she only uses when she needs to be taken seriously, no nonsense, no room for argument. “But do you really believe that Zade doesn’t care about you? He hasn’t stopped calling you, and I don’t think you’re stupid enough to fall for someone who’s using you.”

I flinch at those words, not wanting to admit that Ididfall for him, or at least was well on my way.

“It doesn’t matter,” I say, shaking my head forlornly. “We live in different worlds, Allie. Even if he did care about me, it would never work. Even the news thinks it’s laughable, you’ve seen the headlines.”

Allie sighs harshly through her nose, and she pulls back, forcing me to look her in the eyes.

“He’s famous, rich, well-connected,” she says. “You’ve always said people like that should dogoodwith what they have, right? He was trying to be a better person. He might be able to do some real good in the world with guidance from you. Maybe even do something good foryou, too, and you deserve it just as much as anyone else.”

My mind can’t accept that, no matter how much I know Allie means what she’s saying, believes it. Maybe it’s because I’ve always felt guilty that my grandma bent over backwards to make sure I had a good life, but it’s so hard to see myself as someone who deserves the same kind of care that I try to give everyone else. My grandma gave me everything—she gave me her whole life until she physically couldn’t anymore—and I feel selfish thinking about deserving any more than I’ve already been given.

I go quiet as she continues her rant, reminding me over and over that I deserve good in my life as she gets ready for the day. She kisses me on the forehead and pulls me in for one last hug.

“You know you can come to my mom’s with me if you want,” she reminds me gently.

I smile, but shake my head. She doesn’t want me to be alone today, but I won’t be, and seeing my grandma and Brooke will help.

“I promised Brooke I’d be by this morning.” It seems like so long ago that we were talking about Christmas morning plans for the kids. “And I need to go see my grandma too. I’ll be okay.”

“I’m only a phone call away, alright?” Allie says. “How about we do presents tonight when you’re back from your grandma? We can crack open a bottle of wine and watch some dumb movie.”

“That sounds absolutely perfect,” I say. “I’ll see you later. Drive safe!”

I only allow myself a few minutes to sit on the couch and stare at the floor after she leaves, feeling pathetic for myself. As soon as I find the strength for it, I get up and head into her bathroom to get ready for my day. There’s no fixing my hair without spending a long time brushing it, and I just don’t have the energy, so I toss it up into a bun, not worrying about keeping it neat. I snag an extra toothbrush from beneath the sink to brush my teeth.

I do my best to put on a happy face and focus on the good things. It’s Christmas, after all. One of my favorite days of the year.

Snow falls outside, and the air is crisp the way it only ever is around the holidays. Christmas lights and street decor dot the sidewalks as I drive over toward the children’s home. I circle the block a few times before finding street parking, grateful for the quieter roads, even if traffic is still excessive.

I bundle up in a coat I borrowed from Allie and march down the sidewalk through the snow. All the presents I got for the kids are already there, wrapped and labeled, and hopefully we’ll be able to get them through breakfast before they start tearing into everything.

Stepping inside, my smile fades immediately as my jaw drops open, totally stupefied.

For a moment, I think I must have somehow walked into the wrong building, but I recognize all of the little faces running around. It’s the…everything elsethat doesn’t seem to fit.

There’s a huge tree—a real tree that I can smell—against one wall, shining string lights wrapped around it and hanging from the walls. Mugs of hot cocoa sit on brand new tables, and there are piles and piles of food on platters, more than ten times this many kids could eat in a single morning.

“Clara!”

Brooke practically slams into me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as she shakes with sobs. Her black hair is down for once, and it still smells like her go-to cheap drugstore pomegranate shampoo, the only thing that makes sense right now.

“Thank you,thank you! I don’t know how you did it,” she gushes, pulling back to cup my face adoringly. Her freckled cheeks are flushed and her green eyes sparkle with unshed tears. “The food, the gifts, the new clothes. I still can’t believe they all got college scholarships, and the yearly donation means we can get all of our repairs done. I never even dreamed of a number that high, and I just?—”

She breaks down in tears again, and I hold her close in shock.

College scholarships? Donation? Food? All of it is making me lightheaded, and I don’t know why she’s thankingme. I’m totally shell shocked, watching Alejandra, the oldest teen, sipping at a mug of hot cocoa and laughing as the younger kids toss toys around amongst them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look so at ease in the four years I’ve known her.

And that’s when it hits me.

“Zade,” I whisper in shock.

Brooke huffs out an angry little noise, wiping her tears away as she shakes her head.

“Don’t think about that playboy right now, Clara,” she urges me. “I’ve seen the articles, he doesn’t deserve your time or your heart. It’s Christmas, and you’ve pulled off the most incredible thing in the world. ”

I blink in confusion, my mind going a million miles an hour. A soft, overwhelmed laugh falls from my lips as I look at the kids bouncing around, trading toys—brand new ones—between each other, fingers sticky with food and so much leftovers still sit on the table. I’veneverseen these kids fail to clear their plates.

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