"But you know the deal, Killian," my dad states, making me focus on him. "There is one last thing you need to do before you’re officially named capo,” he says before looking at me instead of the papers.
There are multiple steps to become a capo in general. Different families have different rules and traditions.
Some require an arranged marriage with a powerful leader or showing how to run the business side of things by conducting trades or relationships with different groups.
I know how to kill, torture, conduct trades, form relationships and alliances; I know it all.
The deal I made with my dad is that I have to produce an heir right after I finish the last task.
Which just so happens to be killing another leader.
And that will be done hopefully in the next few months.
“I’m not worried,” I state, making my dad’s face form into a scowl.
He doesn’t like how I’m not taking this as seriously as him.
The reason I’m not worried is because I don’t care enough to be worried. I know what I have to do. I have been waiting for this day since I was told I was going to take this position. I know how to kill a man that is impossible to kill. I have studied ways to kill my dad as practice. The hard part is the aftermath, not the actual killing.
Ripping out his tongue and shoving it down his throat making him choke on his own breath isn’t hard. Everything you have to deal with after, the meetings, threats, and all of the other bullshit the families throw at you.
“I don’t think you understand how tedious it is to kill a leader. You have to be aware of all of your surroundings because as soon as you get into that country you are targeted, and someone will want your head. There are men guarding him at all times and when you finally kill him, you have to get your ass outof that country as soon as possible,” my dad scolds me, making me want to roll my eyes.
“Again, I’m not worried.”
My dad sighs and leans into his chair. “You remind me a lot of myself, Killian.” He rubs the back of his head.
For a guy in his fifties, he’s a good-looking guy. He still looks young for his age and girls at my old school would throw themselves at him, not knowing he is the age of their dads.
My mom would always laugh, knowing that my dad wouldn't love anyone other than my mom, even after she dies my dad will still be faithful to her.
My dad would kill for her, and I would do the same.
The love I have for her is unexplainable. She is my safe space and every time she’s around I feel strong enough to do anything. She loves me and it feels nice but at the same time it hurts. Out of everyone in this fucked-up world, I relate to her the most.
Recently she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
It’s bad.
No one likes to think about it or talk about it because if we do, it will feel more real. She is always in bed because of her chemo treatment. She is weak and tired all the time. When her hair started falling, I held back tears because it was becoming too real.
I won’t have my mom in my life soon. It hurts to think about.
She puts up such a strong front in front of my sister and I, but I know when those doors close behind my dad she cries in his arms and tells her how scared she is and how she doesn’t want to die yet. My dad loves her, and you can tell by the way he looks at her and holds her as if she is his world.
The love he has for us is nothing compared to the way he loves my mom. I don’t think he could love anyone or anything as much as he loves my mom.
I can’t even begin to think about love because for me it’s pointless.
I can’t trust myself to love anyone because when the time finally comes, I would have to let go.
I tilt my head to the side as if mocking my dad. “Isn't that a good thing?”
My dad chuckles. “For your mom and I, no. But for the family, it’s a great thing. You’re guarded. Keep guarding yourself Killian. You never know who you’re going to run into during the job.”
His lectures make me needy for a fucking cigarette. He needs to hurry up with this meeting.
“I’m not worried. Are we done?” I raise an eyebrow and look down at him.