Page 111 of Piece Us Together

“Do you know where he went? Is he okay?”

“No. I—no.” He sucks in a shaky breath. “I just want to go back twenty-four hours. To try again.”

I huff a not-quite laugh. “You’re not alone there.”

There’s a long pause, the two of us just listening to the other breathe. Then he whispers, “I’m scared, Hunter.”

“Of what?” I ask, because there are so many things.

“Of losing you. Losing what the three of us had. Of—of him doing something bad.” He pauses for a shaky breath. “He does things. He—he drinks. Hurts himself.”

Oh, Maison.

I close my eyes, the air leaving my lungs until there’s nothing but sharp panic left in its wake. I see a dark alley, a trembling man—“Bloody knuckles,” I say without meaning to.

“Yeah,” Nolan agrees, and there’s a crack in his voice now, like he’s about to start crying any second. “Bloody knuckles or—or too much drinking. Not enough sleep or food. Fighting. Pushing people away. Whatever he can think of. I thought it was getting better, but…”

“But now he’s gone and you don’t know if he’s okay.”

“He thinks he deserves it, Hunter,” he explains, his breath hitching on the edge of a sob. “He thinks he’s bad and—and he thinks—” The sob he’s been fighting against wins, cutting him off before he can tell me what else Maison thinks of himself. Not that I can’t guess. Not that he hasn’t told me, over time.

I’m bad.

I hurt people.

I ruin everything I touch.

“Just breathe, darling,” I tell him, hating the thought of him breaking down without me there. Without Maison, even. That itch from earlier is worse than ever, making my skin crawl. It feels like my insides are writhing beneath it. “Just breathe.”

He sucks in heavy, sobbing breaths that hurt to listen to. I shove away from the counter and begin to pace as my instincts scream at me to take over. To demand he come here. It’d be good for both of us. It’d likely stave off my drop, having him here to focus on. It’d at least take the edge off for sure. It’d keep him from dropping, too. We could be each other’s support as we wait to hear from the stubborn man we love.

Except, he didn’t call me sir. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if he has drawn a line. If he’d say no to my request. I don’t know how I’d handle that. I would drop for sure. I would drophard.

“Is there a way for you to find him?” I ask when his sobs have softened to hitched breaths and sniffles. “A way to at least know he’s safe?”

“I—I don’t know. Maybe? I could ask—” He cuts himself off and I know it’s another secret. Another wall I’ve been denied access to.

It’s starting to feel like the world is pressing in against me, not even trying to crush me, but to push me entirely out of existence.

These goddamn boys.

What I wouldn’t give for them to let me in. For them to truly be mine. To be able to force them to let me care for them and dote on them. To hug the fuck out of them and kiss them and watch endless superhero movies and make them laugh when I ask clueless questions.

“He said he needed to think and he was sorry that he ruins everything, and he promised when he comes back that he’ll have a way to fix it. He—he left before I could tell him he’s wrong, about all of that, he’s sowrong, Hunter.”

“I know. I know he is, darling. But our boy isn’t very nice to himself, is he?”

He sobs again, fully, in the kind of way someone can only cry when they feel safe enough to.

“He’s going to be okay,” I tell the crying man. I shouldn’t say it. I shouldn’t make promises I can’t keep. But I’m going to make this okay, or I’m going to go down trying. “You’re both going to be okay, Nolan.”

He sucks in a water-logged breath, gasping for air, for relief. “Hunter?”

“Yeah?”

“Is it more for you? Is it—are we more?”

I close my eyes, a hot tear falling down my cheek. “Yeah, Nolan. Yes. All the cards on the table, remember? The two of you are everything.”

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