Page 107 of Piece Us Together

“Are you okay?” Hunter asks in a shaky voice. He’s looking up just enough to peek at Nolan. “Where is your head, Nolan?”

“I’m good. I’m okay. I just need to get him out of here. Get him home. I’ll—we will call. Later. Or tomorrow. We’ll call.”

He won’t answer, Nolan. He won’t want to talk to us.

I ruined it.

I ruined this for you.

Ruined this for us.

Nolan steers me outside. The air is sharp. It hurts my face. Hurts when I breathe.Good.

He’s quiet as he drives, his hands slightly shaking.

He’s not crying.

I’m trying not to cry.

“The blindfold?” he asks when we’re close to home.

I close my eyes, seeing him again, seeing the way he hadn’t been relieved to be rescued by me, how the relief hadn’t come until Travis showed up, how he’d looked shattered when all Travis did was take his collar away and force him to be free.

“Yeah.” I swallow, tasting bile and fear on my tongue. “The blindfold.”

“I don’t remember it being a limit…”

“It wasn’t.” I picture Hunter, the look of fear on his face, of hurt. “I didn’t know.”

The car stops. We aren’t home, but we’re on the long dirt road that leads there.

I force myself to look at him. I think I lost the battle. I think I’ve started to cry now.

I ruin everything.

“I’m not upset. That’s what safewords are for, Mais. It’s okay that you used it. It’sokay.”

I look away as I remember how he used to touch his throat sometimes, expecting there to be something there, or maybe even wishing there was.Was he hoping Hunter would give him a collar someday? Would Hunter do that? Would I be able to stomach it?

Does it even matter?

I’ve ruined it.

Hunter won’t want us anymore after this.

“I’m okay,” he says, his hand touching my cheek. It slips a little, the skin wet with tears. “Hey. Babe. I’m safe. We both are. Okay? We aren’t there anymore. You saved me.” He laughs, low, soft, a little sad, a little fond. “You keep saving me. And I’m saving you right back, okay?”

I look at him. He smiles at the eye contact, but there’s more in his eyes, a fear he’s trying to hide, disappointment he’s trying to ignore.

Everything.

Everything I fucking touch.

Ruined.

“I love you, Nol.”

His smile is wobbly, but he at least sounds honest when he says, “I love you, too.”

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