Page 204 of Piece Us Together

I soften, letting myself look at him for a moment. My baby brother, all grown up. He’s put his previous weight back on. There aren’t circles under his eyes anymore, and they’re bright and happy, no ghosts lingering in the shades of blue. “I’m really happy for you too, kid.”

“I—” He pauses, his eyebrows pulling in. Then he carefully sets his hot chocolate down between his legs on the bench and pulls his gloves off. I don’t understand—until I do. There’s a thin rose gold band around his left ring finger, the metal twisting into a knot with little diamonds settled inside and around it. I grin like an idiot. When he lifts his eyes and sees that, he freezes. “You’re—you’re okay with it?”

“I gave him permission, you goof. I mean, he totally cheated and asked when I was high on painkillers, but I would have said yes either way. I did make him promise to love you for always, though. If he breaks that, I’ll kick his ass.” I nudge him playfully when he continues to just look at me, his eyes watery and his bottom lip wobbling. “Hey, kid. It’s alright. I’m so fucking happy for the both of you. I honestly don’t think I could pick a better man to take care of you for the rest of your life.” I pause, then, “Well, maybe Hunter, but he’s mine, so you’re going to have to settle.”

He laughs, all sharp relief and incredulous happiness. A single tear falls down his cheek. “How about we agree that our guys are tied and go from there?”

“Sure. Sure. Whatever makes you happy, kiddo.” I pat his knee patronizingly. He sticks his tongue out, rolling his eyes. “Put your damn gloves back on before you get frostbite or some shit.”

He laughs again, softer this time. He gets resettled, hot chocolate in his hands, and rests his head on my shoulder. Hissigh is gentle and happy, but it ends heavier. There isn’t really a way to explain how I know. It’s a feeling in my gut. A tug, like the ground is about to be pulled out from under me.

“He told me about your past,” he says.And there it is.“He had thought you just sort of…sat at a desk, until the end. It’s what I thought because it’s—well, it’s what he told me, you know? It wouldn’t have mattered at first anyway. I was so mad at you, Maison. So fucking mad. I guess it still doesn’t really matter because when I worked through all of that anger and came to some big realizations, you sitting at a desk until the end was still more than enough sacrifice. Just that one night at the compound was more than I ever wanted you to have to do, you know?”

I laugh dryly. “Trust me, I know.”

“Yeah, I guess you do…” He nestles in closer to me, his cold nose touching the side of my neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t know the whole story. The fact that you’ve been in danger for years, and I had no idea…”

“It’s okay.”

“It’snot. And Casey told me you were struggling and I was confused because I hadn’t noticed, and he sort of—I mean, he was nice about it, but he sort of pointed out that there’s a lot I haven’t seen. I didn’t even know how muchhehad struggled, even back when we were roommates. I had no idea how bad it got for him for a while.”

“You were struggling too, Carter. You had to take care of yourself first.”

“No. No, you all managed to take care of each other, take care ofme, and I didn’t return the favor.” He shakes his head, bumping against my shoulder. “Even if it was okay, once Travis and I worked things out and I was in a good place, I should have turned around and taken stock of everyone. I should have checked in with Casey. With you. I got my happy ending and I buried my head in it instead of helping everyone else find theirs.It was selfish. It was so selfish. I want you to know I’m really sorry for that.”

I struggle to swallow, my eyes stinging from the cold air. Definitely just the cold air.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. You have no idea how much I wish I could go back. Not to the compound, but to the safehouse. To that very first night. I wish I could get Casey settled and then wait out in the kitchen for you to get back. Not Trav, butyou. I wish I could hug you so tight it hurts and thank you for saving us and check you over to make sure you’re safe and okay. At the very least, once Trav came to me in my room, I should have gone to find you.” He pauses, a pained sound filling the gap. “I can’t believe how badly I treated you. The stupid fucking fights we had. The things I said. The things I blamed you for. I’m so fucking sorry, Maison.”

“Carter—”

“No.” He pulls away, turning so he can look at me. His eyes are flooding again, ready to release tears any second. His voice is thick and trembling when he continues. “I coped by hurting you. By blaming you. It wasn’t right or fair or okay. I’msorry, Maison. I’m sorry for how I treated you and I’m sorry it took me so long to see it and I’m sorry it took me even longer to tell you. It should have been me who called you to do something like this. It should have been me trying to fix us.”

I turn out to be the one to cry first, a hot tear slipping down my cheek. His chin wobbles at the sight before his own tears start falling.

“I can’t fix it. I can’t go back. But I can be better, going forward. Iwantto be better,” he tells me.

“We’ll both be,” I promise him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and pulling him into my side. I rest my head on top of his. “We’ll be okay, kid. We’ll figure this out.”

“I want to be your brother again. Like we used to be,” he admits, his voice coming close to a sob. “Is it too late for that?”

“It’s never too late for that, baby brother.”

He sobs then, burying his face in my jacket to muffle the sounds. I hold him tight and force myself to cry quietly as people walk by and eye us like we’re freaks. To be fair, sobbing on a bench at a holiday festival probably is pretty fucking weird.

The fireworks start without warning, bright blue bursts of color in the sky. He nearly headbutts me in his haste to look. His eyes are wide with wonder, the reflected lights dancing in the watery surface of them. I watch him instead of the show, just like I did when we were kids.

It had always been so easy for Carter to see wonder in everything. To see the brightness. The beauty. Even as a little boy myself, I made it my mission to make the world beautiful for him. I never wanted that look—this one, right now—to fade. I never wanted his light to burn out.

The operation almost won, but he and I beat it in the end. He’s here, safe and bright as a fire. So am I.

“Carter?”

He tears his gaze away from the sky, grinning. “Yeah?”

“I wanna quit.”

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