Page 63 of The Fallen Ones

“I just worry is all.”

“What are you worried about?”

“You,” he said softly. “Always you, Lily.”

My heart jumped in my chest at his words, and I bit my bottom lip nervously.

“I’m OK. Promise.”

“Do you want to talk about what happened at the party?” he ventured softly. “You haven’t said much about it. I know it sounded like a lot and I feel bad I’ve not been great about listening lately.”

“It’s fine.” I moved my hand back to my lap and sighed. “I just wish… I don’t know. I want to know who the guys were. I don’t know why I feel the way I do.” I paused and bit my bottom lip for a moment. “Can I ask you something and you’ll answer honestly?”

“You know I will,” he said.

I breathed out. “This whole thing was meant for me to come out of my shell. To have the experience without the attachment. I-I want to experience it again, but I know the likelihood is slim so I’m thinking about maybe going to this party with Olivia and just hooking up with someone.” I wrinkled my nose as the words came out of my mouth.

Caleb stared at me like I’d sprouted an extra head.

“Caleb?”

He blinked quickly and looked away, his Adam’s apple visibly bobbing.

“You want to sleep with someone new?” he finally asked.

“Yeah. I mean, that was the whole point in all of this. And since the three guys will never happen again, I mean…” my voice trailed off. “I sound slutty, don’t I?” I looked down at my hands.

Caleb slid closer and turned toward me and took my hands in his.

“I think you’re craving closeness with someone and are scared,” he murmured. “I think that’s what all of this boils down to right from the beginning to this moment.”

I swallowed hard at his words.

“You’re scared, Lil. It’s OK to be scared. The thing to know about dating and falling in love is that anything can happen. It may last forever. It may not. But every crack your heart receives is meant to build you up, not tear you down. You’re a wonderful person. So pretty. Smart. Funny.” He licked his lips. “So fucking sexy.Give yourself a chance to live. If it means three guys and you, do it. If you need just one, I say do that too,” his voice grew softer, a slight twinge of pain in it.

“You think I’m sexy?” I asked in a small voice.

He let out a soft huff of laughter. “You don’t even realize how stunning you are, Lil. But yes. I think you’re sexy.”

“Should you say that stuff to me?” I pressed, my voice still low. “Should you tell me I’m sexy?”

He leaned closer, making the butterflies flap wildly in my guts. Kissing him rushed through my mind.

“I can tell you anything I want to tell you. You’remyflower, Lily. You always will be.”

I couldn’t help myself. I pushed myself forward and pressed my lips against his. He froze beneath the movement, his lips stiff and unmoving.

Feeling like I really misread the signals and supremely hating myself, I pulled back and stared in horror at him.

“Caleb, I-I’m sorry,” I stammered. “That was… That was out of line. I-I shouldn’t have?—”

He got to his feet, taking my heart with him, and paced the room for a moment.

“Caleb?” I called out, my heart in my throat. I had no idea what came over me and why I’d done that to him. We’d been close before and that had been all well and good, but I’d crossed a line. I knew I had.

“Um.” He stopped pacing and looked over at me. “Uh, I-I need to go. I just… I forgot I have something to do tonight.”

“What? God. I’m so sorry—” I got to my feet and went to him, desperate for him to stay with me. “Don’t go. I was so out of line. My head is a mess. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I-I didn’t mean it.” I stopped and stared up at him, watching as so many emotions flittered over his handsome face.

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