Page 151 of Sinful

“I don’t think you’re an idiot, Dante. You know that.”

“Really?” He tapped his fingers on the notebook. I tore my eyes away from all the conversations I knew lay beneath the cover and steadied my breathing. I knew I should have told Mirage what was going on, but for once in my life, I wanted this shit over with. If today was the day I was going to die, so be it. I already said she was worth dying for, and I meant it. At least I’d go out knowing I’d finally gotten something right in my life. That I’d truly loved and been loved back. That was all that mattered now. That and her safety. If my death meant Dante continued to keep her tucked away and safe the way he did, so be it.

“Yes,” I said.

He let out a soft laugh and grabbed the TV remote. I watched him flip to a different setting and OK it with a password. A moment later, the complete feed of the house came over the screen.

“What the fuck?” Ashes called out thickly.

Stitches scrubbed his hand down his face, his legs bouncing.

Church cycled through every room of the house before turning it off and smiling at me.

“You knew? The whole time?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Yes and no. I never looked. I had this done when Sirena was sneaking out. If she could get out, I worried someone could get in. I never turned it on and watched it while I was away. However, I did catch a glimpse of you coming into her room. I watched it a little today. Not a lot. I didn’t actually need to, though, because I found this in her room. Hidden, of course, but then again.” He gestured to the TV. “Not hidden from me.”

I swallowed and stared right back at him, not letting any of my emotions show.

“So you and Sirena,” he said, eyeing me back.

“Dante, man, just listen,” Ashes said, still at Sirena’s side.

Church held his hand up to silence him. “You’re right. It is time I listen. So, tell me, Sinclair.”

“What do you want to know?” I challenged him.

“Everything. All of it. I want to know why you vowed something to me and then broke that vow. Why you’re touching what belongs to the watchers. Why you think you can come in and try to undermine me in my own home,” his voice rose with each word until he was yelling. “Why the fuck do you think you’re good enough for her after the shit you did. She almostfucking died, Sinclair. Died. Dead. And Malachi. He was fucked.Raped.Each fucking day, our brother was drugged and pounded like a fucking coked-out whore. Then, they had Sirena hurt while they fucking watched it happen. Tell me, what gave you the fucking right to come back into our lives after I said to stay away? Huh? Tell me!” His face was red with his yelling.

My hands trembled as much as my voice did. Him laying my sins out for me that way made me want to put a bullet into my own head. He was right. I knew the point he was trying to make. I was a piece of shit, and nothing would change that. Nothing I did could ever fix what I’d broken.

So I said the only thing I could say.

“You’re right,” I whispered. “I’m not worth it. I’m selfish. I lied to you about staying away. I tried, but I couldn’t. I wanted to come home. I wanted her to be our girl.Mygirl. I-I was stupid. There are no words I could say to ever make up for what I did.” I looked to Stitches, who stared back at me, his dark eyes wavering. “I’m so fucking sorry, Malachi. You didn’t deserve that shit. I never would have done what I did had I known. . .” my voice trailed off, and I looked down at my feet as I tried to not cry like a fucking baby. “I’m so sorry. Malachi. Please. I know how badly I fucked everything up. I live with the guilt every day.”

“Malachi, tell Sinclair how you really feel,” Church said.

Stitches stared back at me for a moment before looking away from me.

“I hate you,” he finally said in a soft, trembling voice. “I hate you so fucking much. In my dreams, I see you watching from outside my hospital room. Knowing what you did and never speaking up about it. It fucking haunts me.” He wiped quickly at his eyes, my heart a twisted mess.

He grew quiet before his body stilled, and his legs stopped bouncing. Finally, he turned his head in my direction, tears on his cheeks. I stared back at him, wishing it were me who could have been in his place. Wishing I’d never even done any of that shit so no one would suffer the way they had.

I didn’t deserve forgiveness. I knew it as I stared into his dark, wavering eyes.

“But I love you as much as I hate you. It’s causing me a fair bit of conflict,” he finished, wiping at his eyes. “I’ve seen also how much you care for Sirena. It helps.”

I said nothing because my throat was too tight to speak.

Church flipped through the notebook before stopping near the end and reading my words aloud.

“I don’t know how you could ever love a monster like me, siren, but I am so in love with you too. I am. From the moment I saw you, I knew. I knew you were the one I’d been looking for. I was just so scared. I fucking love you with every ounce of me there is. I will always love you. You have become my entire world. I only hope I can be a fraction of yours.” Church looked at me after finishing, waiting for my answer.

“Those words were for her,” I finally said. “So she’d remember.”

Church let out a soft snort and looked back to the notebook again without a word. I took that moment to look to Ashes, who stared back at me, worry etched into his face, his hand still clutching Sirena’s on the table and his other hand going wild as he opened and closed his lighter.

“Asher.” Church looked to Ashes. “What was it Sin told you he’d do? When you two had your little heart-to-heart?"

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