Page 51 of Sinful

It would be OK. I’d make sure it was. It was the only thing I could do right now.

SIRENA

Church was gone when I woke.

A tear rolled down my cheek. Knowing he was doing this for me hurt my heart. I didn’t want anyone to suffer on my behalf. He’d told me he had no problem doing it because he loved me.

It should be me.

The thought had been going through my head since last night when he announced he was going to help his father. All of this was because I lost it. Because I’d let the darkness out of me. Being constantly poked and prodded by people made me so frustrated, though. Even the normal side of me felt it. I dealt with it better with the lighter part of me. I was more logical and was a critical thinker. The other part of me, the part I assumed was just fed up and had been lurking deep inside my mind for a long time now, was the opposite of everything I was outwardly.

It terrified me, but at the same time, it brought me a sense of relief. It was like I could separate from that part of myself.

I wasn’t sure exactly what was happening to me, but I assumed that’s what it was. Two parts to the same soul. The sweet part and the fed-up part.

“Don’t cry,” Ashes whispered, thumbing my tears away. I hadn’t realized he’d woken, but clearly, he had because now he was wiping away my tears, his voice strained with concern and sadness.

I took his hand in mine and shakily wrote on his palm

This is my fault.

“Oh, Sirena.” He sighed. “It’s not your fault. Yeah, you let go a little bit, but we all do. That bitch had no business pushing you around like that. I’ve wanted to knock her ass out for years, but you beat me to it. If it wouldn’t have been you, it would have been us. So don’t be sad it happened. It was meant to. She brought it on herself with her shitty attitude. She’s twisted and foul, like the rest of them here.”

I traced more words onto his palm.

I’m worried about what’s happening to me. I’m worried about Church.

“Baby, you are my perfect girl. You will always be,” he said gently. “Everyone gets fed-up sometimes. This was just your breaking point. You’ve been through so much. You’re so strong. You’re OK. I promise. And Church will be too. He grew up in the Underground. He learned to fight there. He learned to survive. He’s going to be fine,” his voice trembled with his words.

I scrawled more words onto his palm.

Why don’t I believe you?

“Trust me. It’s scary. I get it. It’s even more scary when you’ve survived the shit the monsters are capable of, but Sirena.” He paused and traced his thumb along my bottom lip. “I hate to say it, but Church is a monster too. So are me and Stitches. Sin. Asylum. We’re monsters. It’s why we’re here.”

I wrote quickly.

I’m a monster too.

“You are too pretty to be a monster.” He lightly kissed my lips. “If anything, you’re a righteous angel sent to save us all.”

I smiled a little at his sweet words.

He took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles. “Let’s get Stitches up. We’ll eat. We’ll build a snowman. Do some online shopping and hope it can get delivered despite all the snow. Watch movies. Make cookies?”

I kissed him again, really liking his ideas.

“Then it’s settled,” he murmured. “A day of fun. Maybe you can paint for us later. I love watching you paint.”

I nodded, liking that idea too.

“Good.” He kissed the tip of my nose before he got out of bed. “Stitches. Hey. Stitches!”

Stitches grumbled in his sleep and rolled over but didn’t open his eyes. Instead, he let out a soft little snore.

Ashes shook his head.

I rolled over and rested my head on Stitches’s chest. His arm immediately wound around me and hugged me to his hard body. Gently, I ran my fingers along the plane of taut muscles on his abdomen before moving to the tattoos he had covering his torso. He mumbled in his sleep as I traced a cross near his belly button.

---