Page 29 of Sinful

“I don’t know other than to just keep going.” I sat back. “With Asylum’s plan, I think he’ll get you close enough to her. It’s you who needs to reach out and take what you want.”

“And you’d be OK with that? Me taking her?” He crinkled his brows, his focus on me.

I shrugged. “Look, I understand she’s capable of loving more than one person. I’d be honored to be included in it. If she wants me and wants you and the watchers. Asylum. I’d not hesitate. I’d fall to my knees for my goddess and worship her.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “What if I can’t fix this?”

I sat forward. “We tried to kill her. She still kissed me willingly. She still sought me. I think there’s hope for you, Sinclair. Just reach out.”

He scoffed at me and shook his head. “I’m not good at this shit. Even this conversation feels uncomfortable.”

I waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. I rarely get to speak to people being so. . . locked up. Even the uncomfortable conversations are better than no conversations.”

“Well, you have Asylum in your head.”

I snorted. “Sometimes. At least you’re near enough to punch him when he starts his shit. All I can do is wish I could pull him out of my head and lay him on his ass.”

Sin gave me an actual smile. “You’d not do it.”

I laughed at that. “Probably not. While he pisses me off, for better or worse, he’s the voice in my head.”

Sin let out a soft laugh. “He’s the voice in mine too.”

“The devil on your shoulder,” I mused. “The wind at your back, pushing you forward.”

Sin smirked at me. “That’s you too, Seth. You’re the same. I’d have killed myself already. Probably. One of my cuts would have eventually been deep enough.”

I cocked my head to the right again and stared at him, my eyes narrowed. “No, I don’t believe you would have. You wanted an outlet, not to be dead. Sometimes, hurting ourselves is the only way to bleed our emotional pain out and focus on something different for a moment. A different pain that can divert our attention. That can give our hearts a moment of peace. Give our minds some ease. I would know.”

He glanced to my wrists, which were covered by the sleeves of my dark hoodie.

I swallowed hard. “I also have punished myself.”

“Do you still do it?”

I chewed my bottom lip for a moment before answering. “Yes. On occasion. Asylum gets angry with me, but what are demons good for if not to get pissed off when you try to cut them out of you.”

“He’s not really in you, though,” Sin said gently. “I mean, he is, but still. He’s in me too sometimes.”

“He’s the parasite I can’t live without.” I let out a mirthless chuckle. “But I do love him despite it all. I suppose that says more about me than it does about him.”

“I feel that way about the watchers. They wanted me dead, but I still love the hell out of them. Church still wishes for my death, I’m sure. In fact, he’s made it clear I can fuck off and die.”

I waved him off. “Dante will come around eventually. Besides.” I shifted in my seat and gave him a sinister smile. “It’s not actually him you need to impress to make your way back into their group.”

Sin raised his brows at me.

“It’s her,” I finished. “Dante and the guys will give her whatever she wants. You know this. I know this. Asylum fucking knows it. Why do you think he’s playing the angle he’s playing? He knows if he just goes to the watchers and asks to fuck her, too, they’ll tell him to go to hell. It’s why he’s working onher.He makes himself important in her recovery. He’s worked his way beneath her skin as I have. Then she needs him. Needs me. Can’t live without us. When she finally gives in, the watchers will witness it. They’ll welcome us in with open armsfor her. If you want to go home, Sinclair, she’s your fucking compass, my friend.”

He sat straighter. “I-I can’t fuck up again.”

I shook my head. “No. You can’t.”

“I don’t know how to do this shit. I’ve always been a fuck-up with women. Fuck, I don’t want to hurt anymore. What if it doesn’t work? What if—”

“Stop.” I held my hand up. “You think too much. If you need to think on it, consider this. What if itdoeswork? Huh? I’m not a believer in manifesting destiny or anything like that, but I do believe that if you change your way of thinking, your journey will be more enjoyable. Don’t you want an enjoyable journey?”

“I do,” he murmured.

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