Page 137 of Into the Fire

“Yeah.” She wiggled in her spot for a moment before speaking. “You’re a De Santis too. Fox-Fox. . . he says crazythings sometimes. Like this fear he has that something bad is going to happen to him. It scares me.” She winced, her voice trembling. “He-he wants me to go to you. What would happen if I do? You’re still a De Santis. You’d, um, still have that part of your life be a part of your life, you know?”

I nodded. “I am, but here’s the thing. I don’t have any desire to live that life. In fact, I won’t. Once I’m done figuring out what happened to my mom and sister, I’m out. I suspect my father thinks I’ve returned home, but I haven’t. At least not to stay. I’m strong. Determined. When I say no, I mean it. And. . .” I took her hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. “If you come to me, LeeLee, for whatever reason, I would die to protect you. I would hide you if you needed to be hidden. I would give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of if you needed that. I’d protect you until my last breath. If you ever came to me, you’d never want for a thing. Not freedom, not affection, not. . . love. You would become my life. Anything you needed would be yours. I promise you that.”

She visibly swallowed before pulling her hand away from me. “Well, let’s just hope I never need to disrupt your life that way. I would be heartbroken if something happened to Fox. I doubt I’d go to you because if he became hurt, I’d be at his side. And if he-he d-died. . .” Her voice shook. “I’d die with him. I’d be like Dominic.”

While the words hurt to hear, it was the look in her eyes that made me realize Fox hadn’t thought his plan out. I believed Rosalie when she said she’d die too. I knew how much she loved him. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that if any of the guys passed, she’d break and follow them.

The thought made me ill to think of a world without her in it. I couldn’t deal with it.

“And I’d die with you,” I said softly. “So don’t end my life, Rosalie. You have so much to live for.”

She wiped quickly at her eyes and shifted so her feet were back on the floor. Finally, she spoke, her voice stronger. “Your turn to talk.”

I exhaled. “There aren’t many things in this world that scare me. I’ve faced death down more than once in my life, and in the same breath, took life. But I’m scared that everything happening has a bigger purpose for me. While I’d like to think I’d run and be free, I know it’s not so simple. It’s why it’s important to me that I bond with Matteo. That maybe. . .” my voice trailed off.

“You want to change him,” she murmured.

I nodded miserably. “I’m not stupid. I know his crimes. He’s violent and wicked, but I also knew a different man when I was a kid. That’s the man I need to find buried beneath the demons who hold him down.”

“Ani, some people can’t be saved. Not if they don’t want to be,” she said gently. “Look at Ethan. I know he doesn’t want his demons, yet some demons you can’t shake. He doesn’t want to be an addict, so he changed to accommodate those demons with his new drugs. They’re not addictive in the chemical sense, but they are in the emotional sense. They numb the pain from the demons, but he still has to keep going back to them to keep the memories at bay. Some demons will always be there. I think that’s why Ethan made the drugs the way he did. He wanted to escape the guilt of the addiction, but I worry he’s only created a bigger monster to grapple with.”

“I get it.” I sighed. “I think losing my mom is what put Matteo over the edge.” I was quiet for a moment, thinking over the ugly memories of that day that lived rent-free in my head. Finding my mom beaten and bloody on the floor. Seeing Tia on the bed. Knowing what I knew about what happened to them. The rape. The pain. All of it.

I wiped hastily at my eyes. “Can I tell you something, and you promise you won’t think I’m crazy?”

“Of course,” she said gently. “I’d never think you’re crazy.”

I swallowed and gathered my thoughts before continuing. “My mom was alive when I came home that day. Barely alive, but she made me promise to get Tia and Trent and get out. She didn’t know Tia was already gone. But I made a promise to her. She told me to not look back, so I got Trent and left. I didn’t look back. I regret not doing it. Because she was still alive when I left.” I sniffled. “There was never anything in the news about the murders. Nothing. It was like a nightmare I’ve never woken from. The what-ifs are eating me alive. I have to finish this. My soul needs it. That means I’ll do some really bad things, LeeLee. That I’ve already done some really bad things.” I looked at her, my eyes burning from all the ugly memories in my head and the intentions I had to get this part of my life over with.

She slid over to me until she was wrapping me in a warm embrace. I hugged her back, soaking in her warmth and affection. Feasting on it. Relishing in it. Fuck, I needed her. She didn’t realize just how much. She had no idea how much she’d changed my life by coming into it. Without knowing it, this beautiful girl was saving me bit by painful bit.

“You’ll do what you have to do. Sometimes the world is ugly, Ani, but it’s also so beautiful too. I know you’ll finish this and have all the wonderful things you deserve. Just keep holding on. I’ll be here for you.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, holding her tighter. “You keep holding on as well. OK?”

She pulled away from me and gave me another sad smile.

“Promise me,” I commanded softly, her ugly words from earlier still clinging to me. “That no matter what happens, you’ll keep going. That you’ll come to me. You’ll let me do the fighting.”

“Promise,” she murmured.

“I’ll hold you to that,” I said.

Her lips quirked in the corners for a moment before my phone rang, Enzo’s name on the screen.

Please be good news.

“Enzo, tell me something good,” I said, answering it.

“Tell me how deep your connections are beyond the Underground,” he said in his deep, no-nonsense voice.

I smiled. “What information do you need?”

“I need it all. I want to know what you know.”

“I want to know why you want to know.” I got up and left the room so I could go into the foyer.

“Because I believe in miracles, Beyers. I know your brother is a lord and is involved in this somehow. He’s the key to getting to Mikhail, Tate, and Fallon. Maybe even Drake. I want to know what you know.”

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