Page 125 of Into the Fire

ROSALIE

Istayed in my room all weekend. I missed classes on Monday and Tuesday, opting to just turn everything in online. Coming out of my room wasn’t an option. I didn’t let anyone in to see me. Talking to anyone wasn’t working for me.

All I wanted was to be alone and hate myself.

After Sunday, no one knocked on my door, finally giving me some peace.

I stood and walked to my closet. Then, I took my wedding dress out of the garment bag and stared at it.

I didn’t know how I felt.Broken. Sad. Desperate. Scared. Confused. Ashamed. So many emotions rolled through me. I knew I had to come out of my room and talk to the guys, but I didn’t know how to even look at them after everything.

All I’d been doing was crying. Anson kept texting, and I kept ignoring him. It hurt to look at him. He’d seen me and Fox. . .

Humiliation rolled through me.

At the same time, I hated that I felt more than that. That I remembered wanting him to watch. To join.

God, what the hell did that say about me?

He’s my friend. Only my friend.

I wiped at the tears that had fallen down my cheeks.

“Sweetheart?” Ethan called out softly as he stood in the doorway to my walk-in closet.

Quickly, I swiped my fingers below my eyes, trying to dry my tears. “Ethan. Hey. I didn’t hear you.”

“I knocked,” he offered gently. “I was worried about you. I noticed you didn’t eat anything today. I-I left you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich outside your door.” He showed me the baggie with the sandwich in it.

I wiped at my eyes again.

“I, um, I’ll just leave it for you on your desk, OK? Then I’ll go.” He turned to leave, his head down.

“Ethan?”

He paused and looked over his shoulder at me. “Yeah?”

“Do you hate me?”

“You should know by now that I could never hate you, sweetheart,” he said, completely turning to me.

“I screwed up.”

“We all have.” He approached me slowly. “Do you hate us?”

I shook my head.

“Then maybe, my sweet girl, you should come out of your room and tell us because we’re in hell downstairs without you.”

“I can’t face you guys. I’m ashamed.”

Ethan nodded and sat down beside me on the bench in the closet.

“When Macy kissed me, I felt that way. I felt like I’d betrayed you all. That I’d failed you. That I’d become this untrustworthy monster that wasn’t worthy of your affections.”

“I didn’t feel that way,” I said. “I still loved you. Still wanted you. It hurt, but I understood.”

“That’s how it is for us. It hurts us, too, but we know you love us. We understand what mistakes are, Rosalie. We’re constantly making them. We’ve screwed up more on you than you have onus. I think we miss you more than anything and just want you back in our arms.”

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