Page 92 of Stitches

I wanted that.

I wanted her like they had her.

Maybe…?

No. I’m fucking disgusting. I’m not a man. I’m a fucking waste of space. I couldn’t protect her. Hell, I couldn’t even protect myself. Now I was this toy. This plaything for the sick.

If Everett, the man who I thought of as my father, wanted to put me through more, he certainly would.

No one was safe.

We weren’t fucking safe.

Goddamnit. I was losing it. I was fucking losing it.

I’d blanked out again, lost in my terror.

Warm arms encircled me, holding me tight. My vision came back into focus. I stared down to see my angel’s arms around me.

She shouldn’t have to protect me.

Damn. It sure felt good to feel her against my body.

I couldn’t. I couldn’t though. No. No. NO.

I broke away from her and swallowed hard.

“Hey,” I said, my voice husky and thick. “Glad you’re back.”

She stared up at me, all the hurt in the world on her face. Pain raked through me as she backed away, the defeat evident.

Fuck, babe. I’m sorry.

The shit in my head. It was killing me.

It was going to kill us.

If there was even a salvageable us at this point. I was sure doing my damndest to ruin things. I was just…fuck, I didn’t know.

“I need to smoke,” I said abruptly, backing away. I didn’t wait to be told no. Instead, I left the room and went to the back patio and pulled out a joint. Once the drugs were in my system, I let my head fall back so I could stare up at the stars.

“Malachi,” Church called out.

“I’m sorry,” I said, not looking away from the night sky. “I’m having a bad fucking night, man. I don’t mean to. I just get in my head and it’s a fight I’m simply not winning right now.”

Church moved to lean forward against the balcony next to me.

“I know. I’m not judging you. I get it. Or at least I’m trying to get it.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, unable to just look at him. “I feel like a piece of shit. I’m not worthy—”

“You need to stop with that shit. I know you were hurt, and I swear to you that you’ll have your revenge, but right now I need you here with us. I think if you just open up a little with Sirena things could get better for you. You need to stop avoiding her. All of this will be for nothing if you don’t. I want us to be together. That was the agreement from the start. Nothing has changed.”

“Sin has. Asylum has,” I murmured.

Church took my joint and toked on it before handing it back to me and blowing out the smoke. “Yeah,” he agreed without elaborating on it.

We were both quiet.

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