Page 40 of Stitches

Despite all the shitty thoughts in my head, I couldn’t shake one constant one.

It felt right. Her against my body and in my bed.

Just. . . her.

Her breathing deepened, and her body relaxed against mine.

I licked my lips and closed my eyes.

I’d accept this gift of her at my side tonight, but I couldn’t allow it again. My brain circled right back to me not deserving her.

The anger simmered just below the surface. My old friend. It was always my go-to emotion, and here it was, tempting me to just let loose.

The meds settled in on me, making my head feel heavy, so I closed my eyes and prayed that tomorrow would be a better day.

* * *

I awokewith a mass of dark hair tangled around my body and Sirena still clinging to me. A headache from hell banged relentlessly against my skull. I was beginning to recognize it because I’d started getting them when the new meds began wearing off.

Carefully, I reached over her and grabbed the bottle and downed another before pausing for a moment and closing my eyes, letting her warmth seep into me with the hopes that it would hold me over for eternity since I knew I couldn’t let her in my bed again.

Not yet. Maybe not ever. Not until I found a way to forgive myself for my shortcomings and failures.

But fuck, I wanted her.

It was eating at my soul.

Swallowing down all those emotions, I untangled myself from her and got out of bed and went to the bathroom where I brushed my teeth and took a piss before coming out to see her still sleeping peacefully in my bed.

I grabbed my clothes and dressed for the day, hesitating as I went to the door and looked back at her.

As much as I wanted to go to her side, I forced myself out the door and into the kitchen.

“Morning,” Ashes greeted me as Church came down the stairs in his uniform.

I settled into my place at the table. Ashes slid a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of me.

“She’s in my room,” I said the moment Church stormed forward, a look of worry on his face.

He stopped at the table and clutched the back of the chair he usually sat in.

“She is?”

I nodded. “She came in last night and lay with me. That’s all. She fell asleep in there, and I let her.”

“You’re slurring,” Ashes commented, settling in next to me.

“New meds,” I muttered. “Killer headaches when they start to wear off.”

Ashes cast a quick look at me then focused on Church. I knew they were worried about me, but there wasn’t shit all that could be done right now. I just needed to ride it all out and hope I could find the bright light at the end of this seemingly never-ending black tunnel ofwhat the fuck.

“What time did she go into your room?” Church asked.

“I don’t know. After midnight,” I mumbled, moving my eggs listlessly around my plate.

Church looked down at his watch. “I’ll wake her. She needs to eat.”

He moved away from his chair and left the room to get Sirena while I sat poking my food.

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