Page 56 of Ashes

Sin shot a quick look at Church as he pushed his pizza around on his plate.

“He actually seemed. . . happy. It was odd. But it’s probably only because he got something good to play with later,” Church muttered.

I cast a quick glance to Sin, who frowned. We all knew Everett Church was into some fucked-up shit. He was only ever in a good mood when he had an upcoming snack to play with.

“Well, tomorrow,” I said, hoping my excitement at seeing Stitches was contagious.

Sin rose to his feet and dumped his pizza into the garbage then made to leave.

“Where are you going?” Church demanded.

“Out,” he answered. He didn’t bother to explain. He simply pulled his hood up and left the house, the door clicking closed behind him.

I sighed. “He’s struggling.”

“Aren’t we all?” Church muttered.

I said nothing and decided to just force the food down. I took several bites and swallowed before Church spoke again.

“Do you think she still loves us?”

I dropped my pizza onto my plate. “I’d like to think so.”

“She doesn’t even acknowledge us. Do you think she’s scared?” The pain cracked his voice.

“Yes,” I whispered, wanting to be honest with him. “I think she’s terrified. But she’s also brave too. You know she is. She’s coming back, Dante. Believe that.”

“Doyoubelieve that?” he asked, his green gaze locked on mine.

“I do. I believe it with everything I am.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I tried to bring her back. I fucked her.”

I froze at his words. “What?When?”

“When I said goodbye. I begged her to come back. I thought maybe she’d remember me,” his voice wavered. “She didn’t. She lay there as I fucked her.”

“Whatthe fuck?” I snarled, pushing away from the table. “What if she didn’t want that?”

“Does it fucking matter?” He scoffed, getting to his feet. “If she didn’t, she could’ve told me no. She didn’t fucking tell me no, Asher! Didn’t even goddamn flinch as I pushed into her or when I came on her pussy or marked her with my bite.Nothing.I want to believe she’s in there, but I’m more inclined to believe she’s just a fucking shell,” he shouted, his voice cracking as his eyes glistened with his tears.

I breathed out, pissed at him for what he’d done but understanding why he’d done it.

“What if Asylum is doing that shit to her? Huh? What if she can’t tell him no either?” He wiped furiously at the tears on his cheek. “Or anyone else for that matter? God, I’ll kill anyone who touches her. You fucking know I will. We’re killers, Asher. We’re murderers. Wearethe bad guys. The fucking monsters under the bed. But we aren’t the only ones. You know it. You fucking know it. This world is filled with guys like us.”

“She’ll be safe,” I whispered, hating that he might be right.

“She’s not fucking safe! No one is safe here! Fuck!” He kicked his chair over. “I’m running on a fucking prayer here, and it ain’t to the guy upstairs. You know God has forsaken all of us. I prayed to the devil to keep her safe. How many people have we killed? Huh? Have we hurt?”

“If you’re feeling guilty about that shit, remember why we did it—”

He let out a criminal laugh. “Guilt?Me?Fuck no. I don’t regret killing anyone. I only regret not keeping the ones I love safe. You know I’ll even kill those I love if it means death is a better alternative.” His voice faded out as he swallowed.

I winced. I knew what he was referring to but didn’t want to open up that memory with him. He hadn’t spoken about it in years. I’d assumed he’d buried the pain like we all had.

“She’s going to come back to us. I know she will. In the meantime, we need to sort out who the hell did this to her and deal with that. It’ll be retribution in a way. We need to focus on that and on Stitches right now. You had faith in Asylum, and honestly, I do too. We saw what he did with Stitches. He knows shit, man. I think he knows about Sirena too. Let’s just roll with it. It sucks so bad, but sometimes we have to eat shit to get what we want.”

He nodded and let out a whoosh of air. “You’re right. I need to focus on finding out who helped Asylum. I think we need to start with his friends.”

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