Page 89 of Ashes

I let my eyes roll back as I let her flavor sink into my tastebuds. Then I ate. Starved. Ravenous for her to come in my mouth.

Diving deeper, I buried my face into her core, earning the smallest of whimpers from her. Flicking my tongue over her clit, I did it on repeat, drinking in what she gave me with each stuttered breath that left her. Each drip of moisture from her heat.

Gently, I slid one finger knuckle deep into her, envisioning what it would feel like to be buried in her hot, tight confines with my cock.

I finger fucked her harder, continuing my onslaught on her clit until her body tensed and her pussy hugged my finger. Then she came hard in my mouth, her breathing fast and ragged.

I swallowed all of it, taking her deep inside me.

Then it hit me.

Everything.

What I’d done.

I jerked away like I’d been burned and stared down in horror at her.

“Angel?” I rasped, moving to loom over her as she breathed harshly.

A tear trickled out of the corner of her eye.

“Fuck. Fuck!” I shouted, shoving away from her and fisting my dark hair and tugging it violently. “Fuck! Fuck!”

I’d hurt her. I’d treaded where I didn’t have permission. I’d never done anything like that to anyone before. I may have been a prick, but I wasn’t a fucking rapist.

I fell to my knees and wept, my body quaking with my sins.

Get it together.

Fucking get it together!

Fix it. Fucking fix this.

Crawling back over to her, I reached out and draped her hospital gown over her before wiping my eyes. When I could see clearly, I hastily redressed her, making sure to tie her gown as I rolled her onto her side.

Then I slid in behind her on the couch and held her against me. These drugs were fucking me up worse. I was trying to see through the haze, but it was so fucking hard. It was like I was being controlled. The thought terrified me.

“I’m sorry, angel. I’m so sorry.” I kissed her forehead fiercely, squeezing my eyelids closed as she hummed that fucking song softly, her voice faltering, her breathing harsh.

Sully had promised a high all day. He’d lied because I was crashing hard and fast. The dark, hopeless feelings I’d had before twisted around me like an ugly snake.

“I want to go home,” I whispered, clinging to her. “I want us both to go home, baby. Together. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. . .”

But I did. I fucking knew I did.

I’d wanted her, and under the influence, I’d taken a small bit of her. I’d let the drugs control me.

I’d stolen it.

Like a thief.

Like a disgusting piece of shit.

I breathed out, trembling as I held her.

“I-I promise, angel. I promise I’ll make this better.” I kissed her forehead again and closed my eyes, listening to her soft, sad song as I cradled her against me.

I wanted to die.

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