Page 54 of Ashes

“What?” He crinkled his brows. “She is?”

I nodded, nausea churning in my guts. “She is.”

“I thought. . . I thought she was with the watchers.”

“Was,” I said, my voice rough. “Past tense. Asylum got her.”

“I don’t understand—”

“And you don’t need to,” I snapped. I hated talking about this shit.

Church had named her well. She was a fucking specter. A ghost who wouldn’t stop haunting me because everywhere I went, she was there. In my head. My heart. In fucking conversations. Every-fucking-where.

Bryce visibly swallowed. “Right. It just doesn’t make sense. Sirena was scared of him, or at least that was the impression I got from her.”

“Things change.”

I had no idea why I was still standing there, but I was. Maybe it was nice to be close to her like this. It was nice to not feel the accusations in unsaid words when I knew damn well I deserved the punishments.

Why the fuck did I want to be close to her? Fuck. What was happening to me? I was letting her go. Wouldn’t I have had to have had her first though?

Not knowing was pissing me off.

Or maybe I did know, and that was what was pissing me off. Whatever the hell was happening, I didn’t like it. I hated all of it.

I’d meant what I’d said when I’d told Ashes that I wished I’d died with my old man. Life would be a fuck of a lot easier if I wasn’t around to dick everything up.

“I’d really like to see her. I’m going to try tomorrow.” Bryce cut through my morbid thoughts of throwing myself off Pictured Rocks and drowning in the lake.

“What-the-fuck-ever,” I muttered. “Do what you gotta do. But if it was me, I’d stay away.”

My social meter was on E, so I turned and walked away from him.

“Hey, Sin?” Bryce’s voice followed me.

I paused and looked at him over my shoulder.

“She cared about you, you know? I could tell. It was in her eyes when she’d watch you. So, um, if you’re feeling upset or something, just know that she cared. Figured I should tell you.”

I said nothing and turned away from him then kept walking.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I didn’t want her to care.

I made it around the edge of the science building before I couldn’t take it anymore and slammed my fist into a tree. Pain shot through my knuckles and up my arm.

It hurt but not as much as the pain in my chest did.

My jaw quivered as I pulled my fist back, letting the blood drip onto the grass.

I wanted to get out of this fucking nightmare. Church wasn’t going to let this go. He was going to dig until he unearthed my skeletons. Ashes would help. I’d seen the looks on their faces.

And Stitches.

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