Page 37 of Bells

I scoffed. “I love her.”

“She hates you,” he said softly.

I swallowed and stared at my hands in my lap. The truth of the matter was, I had this nagging voice in the back of my mind that said the same thing.

“I can fix this. I fucked it up. I have to fix it. We’re having a baby,” I murmured. “I just. . . I can do this. I have to. I won’t be a piece of shit like my old man was. I can’t leave my kid.”

Church let out a sigh but didn’t say anything else.

“Try to get some rest,” Ashes said. “It’s a worry for another day.”

I nodded as Church left the room without another word. I knew he was upset. He tended to get that way when one of us didn’t listen to him. He just needed to understand. . . fuck. Maybe I needed to understand. My head was a confused fucking mess.

My heart was worse.

“Man. . . this is why chicks suck,” Stitches grumbled. “Should have gotten him a fucking fish.”

I let out a huff of sad laughter and crawled back into bed, not giving a shit about the cuts on my arm.

I just wanted to sleep forever. It hurt too much to think that maybe Church was right. What sort of person would take a knife to you while you slept if they loved you? It made me sick to my stomach. I’d thought my father had loved me too, but he’d shot me in the chest.

Maybe I didn’t even know what the fuck love was.

Maybe I wasn’t destined for it.

I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself, but everything in my life pointed to maybe I really was the problem in the fucking equation.

Stitches bid me good night and left the room while Ashes sat on the edge of my bed.

“Don’t get caught up in your head, man,” he whispered into the darkness. “Just don’t. It won’t lead you anywhere good.”

“I know,” I answered back softly.

“Just sleep. We can talk tomorrow. Things will be better then.”

I swallowed hard and didn’t say anything.

Ashes got to his feet and left the room, leaving me to my thoughts.

To my pain.

To my guilt.

When the cards were all out on the table, all this shit was my fault. I’d gotten her pregnant. I knew that day I shouldn’t have fucked her without anything. But fuck.

I wept softly into my pillow, wondering if I’d ever get shit right.

CHURCH

Something was up.

I stared back at Isabella as she sat at her table, eating alone. Sin had gone to her the following morning after she’d attacked him and had sat with her all day. That was a week ago. Now, all they did was fucking fight. Sin was currently in a therapy session, but I expected he’d be arriving shortly to argue with her some more.

“She needs to go,” Stitches said, following my gaze.

“I don’t disagree,” I murmured, taking in the way she offered me a sexy smile. She ducked her head quickly, like she was some shy sweetheart. I knew she was a fucking pit viper though.

“Sin won’t let her go though. All the shit she’s put him through and he keeps going back,” Stitches continued.

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